Turk Quotes
J.D.: I can't decide if I should help Cox or not. It's driving me crazy.
Turk: Dude, at least you didn't give your girlfriend a gift that used to be inside of someone.
J.D.: That's true
Dr. Kelso: Gosh, sport, I sure hope you're not using that phone to make a personal call.
Turk: No. Actually that was David Morrison's father. He's a patient of mine. Dave's a good kid.
Dr. Kelso: Well he sound's teriffic. You two becoming best pals?
Turk: Yeah.
Dr. Kelso: Well you know what we should do? The three of us should play a game of stick ball. Sure, all we need is a stick and a ball and a pocket full of dreams. Or we could take turns bowling your patient down the hallways of my hospital
Turk: Dude, the League of Women Voters called and they want to know where to send your membership info.
J.D.: You're using that "somebody called" joke a lot.
Turk: I know, I can't help it. I got a hernia patient to take care of.
J.D.: What's his name?
Turk: Well, his name is Hernia Patient, but we've gotten close so I like to call him "Hernia".
J.D.: He must feel so safe and taken care of
J.D.: I admitted this really neat old lady today.
Turk: "Neat?" Dude, the 1930s called and they want their lingo back
David: Hey, come on man, it's the fourth quarter, you got a minute?
Turk: Sure.
David: Cool.
Turk: David, right?
David: Yeah.
Turk: I'm Turk.
David: What's up...you want some IV?
Turk: No, I'm good
[During surgery]
Surgical Intern: We are so lost.
Turk: We are not lost.
Surgical Intern: Go left here.
Turk: It's right.
Surgical Intern: You passed his Cooper's ligament three times already. Just stop and ask for directions.
Turk: You wanna drive this thing? 'Cause I will pull, I will pull this thing over and let you drive this thing
Turk: Elliot, are you sick?
Elliot: No, i just don't have makeup on
Turk: You look pretty
Elliot: Besides me, can you even name one other woman you're friends with?
Turk: Carla and a lovely woman by the name Margret
Elliot: Carla is your wife and Margret is your mother
Turk: Elliot, do not talk about my momma or I will punch you in the head
Laverne: I've seen this before. Gauze, sponges...some young surgeon left something in this man.
J.D.: Noo. No. I know the guy that closed, he'd never be that careless.
Turk: 'Kay, uh... Excuse me, sorry; has anyone seen my keys? No? Okay, how about my wallet? Anyone?
Dr. Wen: Look, I've been attending for three years here. What makes you think you know better?
Turk: In my gut I know I'm right.
Dr. Wen: We need this decision now.
Turk: Fine, then it's on you.
Dr. Wen: Yes, it is. Nurse. Erasure.
Nurse: Yes, doctor.
["A Little Respect" by Erasure starts playing]
Patient: I hate this song.
Turk: Me too, man. Me too
J.D.: So, surgery went okay?
Turk: It was cool.
Turk: Dude, I got to close for the first time ever. Ever. The human body is so disgusting.
Turk [to the patient]: Not yours. Yours is stunning
Elliot: Just because I occasionally say something stupid doesn't mean I'm in the hospital going door to door annoying people, like some crazed Jehovah's Witness. Oh. You're not?
Turk: No. But my mother is.
J.D.: He's black, too. You should tease him about that
