Turk Quotes
Turk: Remember our college brochures?
J.D.: So what, they put you on the cover.
Turk: Twice?
Turk: You know, you're gonna have to see her eventually.
Carla: No I don't, 'cause I know the layout to the air-duct system here like the back of my hand
Todd: Dr. Wen threatened to sew my butt cheeks together.
Turk: And yet you continue to eat chili.
Todd: Dude I'm takin' the cheese off
Dr. Wen: So listen, I scheduled an appendectomy for you later just make sure you're good on potassium.
Turk: Sir I got so much potassium it's coming out of my assium. You know what I mean? See what I did was take the word potassium and... I dropped the first three letters... made a doody joke
Dr. Wen: Funny stuff
Turk: I can't, it's still out there.
Carla: Don't call my mother "it"; it implies you think that she's a monster! Now get a move on -- it usually gets up to feed about now.
Turk: Baby, I don't understand why we couldn't stay at my place. I mean, I coulda done a whole show for you.
Carla: Ohhh! There's a show.
Turk: Yeah, there's a show. It involves music, some dancing, occasionally singing.
Carla: Can you do "Me and Mrs. Jones"?
Turk: I don't know. What's she look like?
Turk: No matter how embarrassing you think it might be, it's always helpful to talk to someone neutral. For example, take a look at me: I am now, thanks to therapy, in a healthy relationship with a beautiful woman who won't sleep over at my house because she thinks I broke her mother's leg
Carla: She doesn't want me to have men here because I'm unmarried.
Turk: Well tell her I needed a place to crash; she doesn't have to know we had sex all night.
Carla: She speaks English!
Turk: Then what the hell are you translating for?
Carla: Because you don't speak Spanish!
Turk: Oh!
Turk: I will never sleep at your place again.
Carla: It wasn't that bad!
Turk: Does your mother invite the priest over for breakfast every day?
Carla: Only when she finds me in bed with some guy.... So, yeah, most days
Elliot: Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?
Turk: 'In a better place', 'look different', 'feel good', 'kay? That's what usually happens when you see a shrink.
Elliot: My patient happens to be a therapist, I'm not 'seeing a shrink.'
Turk: Okay.
Elliot: And I would appreciate it if you'd stop spreading around embarrassing rumors like that.
Turk: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm just goofing around. Besides, the last thing I want to do is upset a crazy lady
Turk: You know, I went to therapy once.
Elliot: You did?
Turk: Yeah. Once, though, like, back in '93 to '94; and then three months in '95; and then I went to Group which was a disaster
Carla: Why would you think that Turk and I slept together? Because I'm a nurse? Because I'm Latina?
J.D.: No, just 'cause you guys have been dating...for a while. Do Latina women put out more? Because that's not something I've-I've ever heard... Turk told me.
Turk: No! I didn't! No, I swear. Look, he-he assumed.
Carla: Uh-huh. And did you correct him?
Turk: Well, you know, I've been really busy at the hospital lately...
Turk: You wanna show a woman you know her, you gotta buy her a little somethin'-somethin'. I'm gonna buy her flowers.
Todd: Yeah!
Elliot: Please, it's been done to death.
Turk: How 'bout chocolates?
Elliot: Mmm! With rich, cliché centers?
