Homer (on Maggie): Let her slice off the tip of your ear and she'll go right to sleep.
Carl: No
Homer: That's not a choice you get to make.

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The Simpsons Season 23 Episode 14 Quotes

Homer: Sorry, Dad. I was afraid the dragon wouldn't cough the moon back up.
Grampa: You idiot! Dragon always coughs the moon back up.

Lisa: I pick up books like you pick up beers.
Homer: Then you have a serious reading problem.