2 Broke Girls Season 1 Quotes
Oleg: Sofi has new man in her life. I'm so mad I can't see straight.
Max: I'm looking right at him and I don't see straight either.
Earl: Who is that?
Max: Sophie's new boyfriend.
Earl: And where is his boyfriend?
Max: You know I switched that Purell with KY.
Caroline: Please tell me you're kidding.
Max: Of course I' kidding, I can't afford lube; I just use my tears.
Caroline: Max seriously, don't mess with my hand sanitizer. I already caught "poverty" this year; I'm not catching the flu.
Roses from a man. I think I'm getting it. Is it wrong that I kind of want to sleep with your dad right now?
Max
Oh thank god it's you Han, I saw the wings and thought heaven was full of chunky Chinese cherubs and no jazz.
Earl
Caroline: Your wings are adorable!
Han: Yes, but matching panties are suffocating the boys.
David: So you're not here to return my Dartmouth T-shirt
Caroline: You gave that to me.
David: No I loaned it to you, I feel like I lost it in a custody battle, and now I'm a deadbeat dad.
Look at me gingerbread! If anything happens to him, I will staple your nutsack to that chair!
Max
Oleg: So no one can get you to come?
Sofi: Some people can get me to come, just not you.
Oleg: Hard to get, I like it.
Sofi: Oh Earl, you make me smile. I wish we had black people in Poland when I was growing up.
Earl: Too bad, we would have really enjoyed segregation and Hitler.
Caroline: Candy hearts. Here, hold out your hand, let's get our heart on.
Oleg: I'm way ahead of you.
Han: I've made a special menu for tomorrow's Valentine's Day celebration
Caroline: Han, that's so romantic
Max: Romantic and wrong. This is "When Harry Met Sally" it's :When Harry Met Salmonella"
