Not even common law? Then how do you get a discount at a mattress store?

Verna

Wrong tree, mom.

Jenna

Yes mom, I've memorized the names of all of the women in your water aerobics class.

Jack

You know, my Johnny's single, and he gives excellent back rubs, I assure you.

Lutz's mom

Put the mimosa down, BITCH!

Will Ferrell

I walked on your face!

Buzz Aldrin

Very different indeed. Like a cantaloupe and a Ziploc bag of mushroom soup.

Jack

Different times! Octomom!

Liz

The night before he was shipped off to Korea, I repeatedly lost my virginity to him while Waldo the town perv watched from the bushes.

Margaret

Whuck?!

Liz
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Who cares? She's awesome and so am I. I want Serena Williams to be my mother!

Tracy

These overalls are chafing ... I can't wear these pajamas fishing!

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