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Oh, the fiddle's in the creek and the frog's in the kitchen — I apologize ma'am that is not a song, you make me very nervous.

Kenneth

You must have me confused with someone else, I have never been to Chicago. [whispers] I sexually assaulted Scottie Pippen in 1997.

Verna

Liz: I know this is a difficult time for you, but word of advice: if the will says that you have to spend the night in a haunted house, you better hope that everyone else there are black people or sluts.

I'm the luckiest sh/man in the world.

Paul

[reading Tracy's letter] I will always be your ... oh no, I'm white, I can't read that word.

Liz

[on Argus] He's become listless, and he won't eat any of the food I got at the crazy rich person's pet shop.

Jack

[on Geiss] We'd sit on his veranda talking about politics, business, how not to get paper cuts when making love on a pile of money.

Jack

Peacocks can live up to 40 years. Longer if they're not part of Mike Tyson's zoo.

Jack

I'm guessing already married cat strangler.

Pete

We really were the Sam and Diane of this place.

Grizz

[to Jenna] What's going on? Why are you being so happy and nice? Are you soaking your tampons in vodka again?

Liz

We have to tell Jenna that we can't do her Kardashian sketch because Jack is bro's with Lamar Odom.

Liz
Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 358 in total