You sound like my mother being pulled on stage at a 2 Live Crew concert.


Liz: I'm not gonna let this dress win. This morning I joined-
Jack: A suicide cult.
Liz: A gym.

I just got my bridesmaid dress for Cerie's wedding. It is a Vietnamese size 2.


[to Jack] How is your thing weirder than mine?


Well it was off for awhile because my fiance was on his dad's yacht and got captured by pirates, but now, thanks to the A-Team, he's back.


And don't worry, I have a job for me at Fox ... woods.


First of all, the secret service never gave me back my t-shirt cannon.


Honestly, these immigrants have a tough life, no health care, and I kind of just thought he'd die before it became a thing.


Tonight's going to be different! There's going to be booze, and a karaoke machine, and that Black Eyed Peas song they wrote for bar mitzvahs!


You don't want to mess with that stuff, Liz. Ice has caused a lot of ODs in the porn community.


Just because he'd run away and cause traffic accidents and impregnate neighbors' horses. He's trapped here just like me!


In my defense, every April 22nd I honor Richard Nixon's death by getting drunk and making some unpopular decisions.


30 Rock Season 4 Quotes

Conserve electricity. Don't be a zero, be a good guy.

Masi Oka

Sorry, sir, that happens sometimes when I unhinge my pelvis.