Not only is your fly open, there's a pencil sticking out of it.

Jack [to Liz]

I never sleep on planes. I don't wanna get "incepted."

Jack

Call me Hank, or "Hey Idiot" like my wife does.

Hank

Jack: Avery and I want the baby's middle name to be Elizabeth, after you.
Liz: Oh Jack, that's so gay balls.

Jack: I can get you into a restaurant where you watch a child play with a bunny, and then you eat the bunny.
Kenneth: Isn't that just Easter?

Carmen: What's wrong with you?
Liz: Almost everything.

Why are you doing this for Jessup? She's a blonde. Don't you know there's a war going on?

Carmen

Jack: You have me over a barrel. What are you going to do?
Kenneth: Not what my uncle does when he gets a hitch-hiker over a barrel, I'll tell you that.

We need a button that switches from pornography to basketball immediately. What you have isn't fast enough.

Pete
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