I hope I photograph okay, because when I look in a mirror there's just a white haze.

Kenneth

Every crazy a-lister owns an island; Nicolas Cage, Celine Dion, Charles Widmore. This is a whole new world in front of me, LL.

Tracy

It doesn't matter how long you live in New York, it's still fun to look up and pretend all the buildings are giant, severed, robot penises.

Liz

Jonathan I have asked you not to call me at home after 11...or before.

Jack

Jack: You have all the makings of a reality superstar; hair, bully-ness, delusions of grandeur, an extremely short fuse, catch phrases...
Angie: It's my way 'til pay day.

I'm sorry I'm four hours late but my alarm clock didn't go off because it died in a cock fight last night.

Tracy

Kenneth: Mr. Hornberger, do you and your wife ever fight?
Pete: Not all the time. After her hysterectomy, she was in a coma, briefly.

Jack: This isn't my first rodeo Lemon.
Liz: Well I've been to a rodeo to. It was a cat rodeo, in a gay guy's apartment.

You have to talk to Jack. I can't lose my dental. There's a hygienist their whose boob sometimes touches my ear.

Pete

Dr. Spaceman: Any who, I have the results of your physical. Tracy, you are going to die.
Tracy: What? No!
Dr. Spaceman: You have no reflexes, your blood tastes like root beer, and some of your bones seem to have vanished.

Dr. Spaceman: Tracy, you are going to die...
Tracy: What? No!
Dr. Spaceman: ...when I tell you who I'm dating.

Jack: Who wears shoes at a beach?
Liz: Only Rocky and Apollo Creed during the training montage.

30 Rock Season 5 Quotes

Don't do impressions of other racists.

Angie

Dr. Drew called me un-fixable.

Jenna