What do you expect, Mother? I'm half machine! I'm a monster!

Buster

Lindsay: Can't you at least come over and Dustbuster or something?
Lupe: I no does Buster anymore!

(After Indian candidate's video)
Gob: (hiding in crowd) Go home, you terrorist!
Michael: How stupid do you have to be to say something like that ...?
Gob: (revealed) You're not wanted here!

(on abstinence) That first time after waiting and waiting, it's going to be so awesome! Because it's not just going to be my love and George Michael's, but God's love as well. God, it's going to be incredible!

Ann

(referring to Ann) Plus, she's religious. That one gets pregnant, it stays pregnant. Believe me, I dated a chick like that once in high school ... no, I didn't.

Gob

Lucille: Do you think enough time has passed to do Sonny and Cher?
George-Michael: Who?

Michael: I think it's getting too risky keeping you up here.
George, Sr.: You know what's risky? Letting your son go on that church thing.
Michael: Her name is Ann, Dad, and he's not "going" on her, ok? They're just friends.
George, Sr.: Not for long. They're making promises to each other. It's all that fidelity and pledging yourself to a woman garbage. I wine 'em and dine 'em, but I don't let them tell me what to do. (speaking to his dolls, arranged for a tea party) I don't let them tell me what to do.
Michael: Ok, I should've never taken the pumps out of here.

Maeby: Do you guys know where I can get one of those gold necklaces with a "T" on it?
Michael: That's a cross.
Maeby: Across from where?

Carl Weathers: I'm gonna go get a new soda. Hey, you know that you can get a refill on any drink you want here, and it's free? (laughs)
Tobias: (laughs) It's a wonderful restaurant. Mmm!
Narrator: It sure is.

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