Favorite Better Off Ted Quotes
Ted: I have to watch Rose.
Veronica: I can wash Rose.
Ted: I said "watch" her, not "wash" her.
Veronica: Hmm. Even easier.
Ted: The fact that you thought I was going to go wash Rose right now makes me think you may not know that much about children.
Veronica: I know they need to be cleaned
You have the most beautiful skin. I wish there was a way I could peel it off your face and attach it to mine. Oh, and then you'd grow new skin and like it just as much
Veronica [to Rose]
Gentlemen, when you fight like that, manhood weeps.
Veronica and I sold so much wrapping paper, not only are you going to Disneyland, but Mickey's gonna be wearing your ears on his head. Oh, wait. That's a horrifying image
Veronica: Do you live here? Do all the cubicle workers have little hobbit holes like this?
Linda: No, some of us nest in trees, others have underground warrens.
Now get in there and run that meeting like a shark driving an assault vehicle through a herd of seals wearing chum pants.
Veronica
Phil: Turns out the entire Myman family line is worthless. We have been hated throughout history. The English hunted Mymans for sport. The French used us as building materials. The Russians had an expression: "As useless as a stack of Mymans.
Ted: Well, what about this medieval sect of warriors. "The Screaming Mymans"--that sounds promising.
Phil: They weren't warriors. The Crusaders launched my ancestors over castle walls as ammunition.
My door is always open to you. Please, close it on the way out
Veronica
Veronica: I know what it's like to see the ugly face of discrimination.
Lem: You do?
Veronica: Yes, I do. When I was 16, I was 5'9" and stunning. I mean, off-the charts gorgeous. At school, I was like a swan among the ugly ducklings. all the other girls hated me. And like our light sensors are doing to you, totally ignored me. If it wasn't for the modeling contracts and the comfort of college boys, I don't know if I would have made it.
Phil: Wow. I had no idea.
Veronica: No, how could you? You're still not 5'9"
Ted: Hmm. Tased flesh smells bacon-y.
Veronica: Now I'm hungry.
Oh, don't be that guy who points fingers. No one likes a pointer. Even in the dog world, they're seen as insufferable.
Linda
Maybe my kindergarten teacher was right. Maybe I am too controlling.
Veronica
