Favorite Better Off Ted Quotes
Ted: And I can't get enough of the company's love.
Linda: Maybe you and the company should spend a weekend in wine country together, share a couple of bottles one evening, maybe convince it not to wear panties to dinner. [walks away]
Veronica: You should jump on that, Ted, before the crazy outweighs the hot.
Linda: You know, my cousin uses the wheelchair you guys invented, the ones that climb stairs.
Ted: You know, it was my idea to give them brakes. You should have seen those suckers barreling downstairs
We are not sleazy. Our department is more like a hard-working squirrel, stuffing its nuts in... wait. We're more like a hard-working beaver... ah, I'm not going to land this metaphor.
Come on, the general respects you, Ted--your experience, your charm, the whole package. Oh, and your package
Veronica
I once slept with my boyfriend's therapist to find out if he was cheating with me. He wasn
Veronica
Veridian Dynamics. Competition--whether it's animals, or this old woman and baby, fighting to the death. Competition makes us stronger. In business, that means better products--pills that look like candy, hands that can shoot lightning, and a new generation of hurricane-proof dogs. Veridian Dynamics. Competition. It makes everything better
Commercial
Linda: Are you staring at my butt?
Ted: Hmm? No, your butt is in my staring place. So technically, it's staring at me.
Linda: Sorry. It's from a small town. It's never seen a big businessman like you before.
Ted: Well tell it to act more professional. It's making a spectacle of itself
Veronica: Here, I bought you some briefs. The boxers you were wearing didn't highlight your assets. Penis-ly speaking.
Ted: Thank you
Ted: Did you even notice I have my daughter with me today?
Veronica: I look at people's eyes when I talk to them, Ted, not at their waists
Lem: Your breakthroughs in weapons technology have made warfare exponentially more horrifying.
Dr. Bhamba: Well... I don't know about that. It takes a village to kill a village.
You know how when you accidentally dose someone, like with an experimental energy patch, and you hope they'll sit quietly at their desks, but instead they wander around unnecessarily drawing attention to themselves? We've done something eerily similar to that
Lem
How can I know so much about the bonds of chemicals yet so little about the bonds of friendship?
Phil
