Popular Better Off Ted Quotes
Phil: This jet pack project is going to be so exciting. Jet packs are the ultimate dream of every scientist. Skies teeming with ordinary citizens strapped to rockets.
Lem: Flying through the air at 60 miles an hour in any direction... A lot of people are going to die
But rebooting would shut down Veridian's entire worldwide operation. And that mean money, which the company never parts with unless forced to by a government stronger than they are. And there's only three of those left
Veronica
Veronica: Linda, you're in charge of the lab. I leave it all to you.
Linda: Me?
Veronica: I don't like it down there. it's chilly, the people are odd, and it smells like science.
Linda: Well, I'm not a huge fan of that place either. Last time I was down there, i got chased by some weird eight-legged bird.
Veronica: Ah, the octo-chicken. We had such hopes for that
Veridian Dynamics. Individuals=--we believe everyone is special, irreplaceable, and will follow the thing walk in in front of it. That's why we celebrate all individuals, even ones going nowhere. Veridian Dynamics--because you can't spell "individual" without "Veridian." And "U." And an "L."
Commercial
Dr. Bhamba: And why do you get to be in charge? As I recall, you were the only one who ran from the octo-chicken.
Linda: Well, it freaked me out when it came down from its web.
Dr. Bhamba: You're weak and have no leadership qualities.
Linda: I can lead. Maybe you're just a crappy follower, did you ever think of that?
Linda: I can't believe the company is treating you like this. Doesn't it make you want to scream or put your fist through a wall or rub your junk on the CEO's chair?
Ted: Yes, yes, and I only use my junk for good, not evil. With great junk comes great responsibility
Ted: You know, I'd like to believe after everything I've done for this company over the years, they'd show me a little more loyalty than this.
Veronica: Yes, I know it's hard to accept that giant companies don't care about people. I know how hard it was for me when I first realized it... when I was 8.
Linda: Listen to my tone and not my words. We can't just stand here and let them take Ted away from us. He is the shiniest employee we have.
Lem: Did you just say "shiniest"?
Linda: Again, listen to my tone and not my words. We have to do something.
Phil: Linda's tone is right. We can't function without Ted
We're not here because the company needs us. We're here because we need you. You bring out the best in each of us. You take a bunch of barely functional, socially awkward semi-creepy scientists, and one beautifully normal product tester, and make us a team
Linda [to Ted]
Lem: Did you disable the camera?
Dr. Bhamba: Did you disable your stupid-question filter?
Lem: I thought I did
Veronica: Legal says you have to wear a parachute.
Lem: Why? At the height I'm going, a parachute will be useless.
Veronica: Not from a legal standpoint. Good luck
Veronica: We want to weaponize a pumpkin.
Ted: Then so do I. Because?
Veronica: There's a country with whom we do business that grows a great deal of pumpkins and would welcome additional uses for them. As well as cheaper ways to kill their enemies.
Ted: Well, finally the pumpkin gets to do something besides Halloween.
Veronica: Pie.
Ted: Halloween and pie
