Terry: Jake! Are you okay!?
Jake: No, Sarge, I got hit by a car!

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I'd give you a hug, but right now my body has the structural integrity of a chocolate souffle.

Jake

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Holt: Why would you jump out of a helicopter with a knife in your mouth?
Jake: It's called a "chopper", and the knife is in my mouth because both of my hands are holding giant machine-guns.

• Permalink: Jake: It's called a "chopper", and the knife is in my mouth because both of my hands are holding
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She's the devil, and you don't dance with the devil because you get burned. Also, because in Madeline's case she has no rhythm, and her hands are like little rat claws.

Holt

• Permalink: She's the devil, and you don't dance with the devil because you get burned. Also, because in...
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Okay, you two are obviously the alphas. Let me guess, you're dating the blond kid, and you like Filipino Bieber but you're worried he's still into Little Miss Side-Braid-Jenky-Purse.

Gina

• Permalink: Okay, you two are obviously the alphas. Let me guess, you're dating the blond kid, and you...
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Wuntch: Hello Raymond. How do you like my new office? 20th floor.
Holt: Yes, I never thought I'd see you this high without a broom under you.

• Permalink: Yes, I never thought I'd see you this high without a broom under you.
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Holt: I put myself on this case to make sure that you don't waste time turning this into another Ron McLean movie.
Jake: You know it's John McLean!

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(imitating Wuntch) You could have had a chopper, Raymond. Why didn't you take advantage? Just a minute, my cauldron's boiling over.

Holt

• Permalink: You could have had a chopper, Raymond. Why didn't you take advantage? Just a minute, my...
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Jake: Hey Captain, whatcha thinking about?
Holt: Mostly about how Madeline Wuntch will destroy me because you wanted a helicopter to play action movie.
Jake: No, I needed a helicopter because I was chasing a bad guy because I'm a cop.
Holt: Really, it wasn't just to make this case "epic"?
Jake: This case is epic! You're just too wrapped up in the politics to see it. Sir, we're tracking a triple-murderer who stole 21 million dollars and all you can think about is Madeline Wuntch.

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Holt: Deathblade! Sidewinder! It's go time!
Jake: Roger that, Wet Blanket.
Holt: No, from now on call me....Velvet Thunder!

• Permalink: Velvet Thunder
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Jake: Bing-pot!! Nope, I was gonna say bingo and then I was like jackpot's better but then it was too late, I was halfway through the word.
Charles: Bingpot works! It's taking off!

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Don’t worry; I know what I’m doing. I saw the first 15 minutes of The Hurt Locker.

Peralta

• Permalink: Don’t worry; I know what I’m doing. I saw the first 15 minutes of The Hurt Locker.
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