Californication

Sundays 10:30 PM on Showtime
Californication
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You have been found guilty of statutory rape, but the real crime here is not one of moral turpitude. Your true crime is that you seem committed to squandering your natural gifts and wasting what appears to be a rewarding life.

Judge

I thought we were a fucking fairy tale, but if you're careless with something long enough you know it breaks. And that's how I feel, broken, completely and utterly broken.

Karen

I am lucky. I'm lucky to have known you. I'm lucky to have loved you, but I feel it's finally over, which is a kind of relief.

Karen

God I wish I could get high with y'all. I mean the baby's not gonna go full retard if I get just the tiniest bit whacked right?

Marcy

You're wise and beautiful you know that? You make us feel old and stupid, and we love you for it.

Marcy

Take it from someone who was watching and taking notes. You guys were good together.

Becca

Hank: Oh god, pity those poor kids who are never going to forget this image of this big naked man-baby rising up from the water like the creature from the pasty white lagoon.
Charlie: There's no grosser than your mother and father they used to sneak off to do it everywhere. In bathrooms, in utility closets...
Marcy: True, didn't you schlob Hank's knob on a balcony once?

You know that I pray sometimes Dad? You know what I pray for the most? That I wake up one day and you've become a total bore.

Becca

Abby: Oh my god you're so generous and sweet.
Hank: Yeah I know I'm going to make some White Power guy an excellent bitch.

I do like a man who prepares for the worstest.

Abby

You can't let the priests have all the fun.

Hank

Well that happened.

Hank
Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 116 in total