Sundays 10:30 PM on Showtime
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
Try it Now for Free and Instantly Watch Californication.

You have been found guilty of statutory rape, but the real crime here is not one of moral turpitude. Your true crime is that you seem committed to squandering your natural gifts and wasting what appears to be a rewarding life.


I thought we were a fucking fairy tale, but if you're careless with something long enough you know it breaks. And that's how I feel, broken, completely and utterly broken.


I am lucky. I'm lucky to have known you. I'm lucky to have loved you, but I feel it's finally over, which is a kind of relief.


God I wish I could get high with y'all. I mean the baby's not gonna go full retard if I get just the tiniest bit whacked right?


You're wise and beautiful you know that? You make us feel old and stupid, and we love you for it.


Take it from someone who was watching and taking notes. You guys were good together.


Hank: Oh god, pity those poor kids who are never going to forget this image of this big naked man-baby rising up from the water like the creature from the pasty white lagoon.
Charlie: There's no grosser than your mother and father they used to sneak off to do it everywhere. In bathrooms, in utility closets...
Marcy: True, didn't you schlob Hank's knob on a balcony once?

You know that I pray sometimes Dad? You know what I pray for the most? That I wake up one day and you've become a total bore.


Abby: Oh my god you're so generous and sweet.
Hank: Yeah I know I'm going to make some White Power guy an excellent bitch.

I do like a man who prepares for the worstest.


You can't let the priests have all the fun.


Well that happened.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 116 in total

Californication Season 4 Quotes

Remember how fast my masturbation video spread? That was unnerving.


Hank: What's that look?
Charlie: What look?
Hank: That shifty somewhat cunty look of yours.