Cougar Town
Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBSCougar Town Quotes
Laurie: If you really want to get back at a man, scare him with a pregnancy test. I've got a whole box of old positives at my house.
Ellie: You're an American treasure.
Travis: You know, I've actually been experimenting at school.
Ellie: I totally called that!
Jules: What's his name? Is he cute?
Travis: I meant with religion.
Jules: Aw man, I was excited to show you how cool I'd be about it.
You're dressing like a lady who would do stuff for just a little bit of crack.
Laurie
Laurie: Man hands? You're stealing jokes from Seinfeld now?
Jules: Was that that Jewish guy you dated in High School?
Ellie: No, he had a huge TV show. Must see TV?
Jules: Never heard of it. No one's gonna tell me what's must see.
This episode was written by the absolute worst writers we have on staff.
Title Card
He looks like that nerdy lesbian from Scooby-Boo.
Jules
Bobby: Well come on Mando, you're married Ellie. You're a seasoned crazy bitch whisperer. No offense.
Laurie: You know, he once bitch whispered me down from choking out a lady from using the handicap stall. Turns out she was handicapped, but, like, barely.
Welcome to Cougar Town. Asking the tough questions about sex robots.
Title Card
Jules: What the hell was that?
Laurie: You're getting landlined.
Ellie: Should I remove your nuts?
Laurie: Oh, it's not you, she's just a horrible person.
Man, it's like watching your kid die in battle.
Bobby
I'm not high anymore.
Ellie
