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Bree: Did Lynette mention the little tiff we had?
Susan: Just in passing...
Gabrielle: She barely mentioned it...
Bree: What happened was... I accidently mixed my medication with, you know, a little glass of wine I was having and I fell asleep while I was watching her kids. I mean I like a little wine with dinner... I mean now and then... You know, who doesn't? But, you know... To trash my entire reputation...
Gabrielle: She didn't trash you... Honest.
Bree: Well, good... I really don't want you to get the wrong impression. Oh, I'm going to the mall today, they have a white sale. I'm going to get a new bath mat. Does anyone need one?
Gabrielle: I'm good... (After Bree left the two) WOW! Did you smell the alcohol in her breath?
Susan: I sure did...

Gabrielle: So... We're audtioning to be parents?
Adoption Agency Lady: You can say that...
Gabrielle: So just to be clear... Some slutty cheerleader gets knocked up by the soccer coach behind the local gas'n'gulp and SHE is gonna make sure we're quality people?
Carlos: You don't have to answer that...

Bree: If you need a drive to school, I'm happy to drive you.
Andrew: That's not what I want... I want a car.
Bree: Well, then I suggest you get a job.
Andrew: Why should I have to go work my ass off at some fast food place if I can already afford what I want?
Bree: Andrew, we're not touching your trust fund.
Andrew: It's my money!
Bree: Not until you're 21, and if I had my way you wouldn't put your hands on it until you're 50! I mean we both know you're gonna waste every penny of it.

Karl: (Reading Dr. Ron's card) I can't wait to be in the operating room with you so I can touch your heart because you already touched mine so deeply!
Susan: Okay, that part sounds better when you don't read it out loud.

Tom: You're saying that our clients deserve more effort than your own family?
Lynette: OK! So if I apologize for upsetting you at work can we get past it and enjoy our meal?
Tom: Absolutely.
Lynette: I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I am sorry.
Tom: Thanks.
Lynette: So boys, how do you enjoy the meal?
Preston: It's a little salty...
Lynette: Just eat it!

Tom: What was that?!
Lynette: What was what?
Tom: You were bracing! You were bracing with your leg! I was trying to lay on top of you and you were bracing yourself against the mattress so you don't have to get on your back!

Bree: Are you a friend of Andrew's?
Sam: I'm his lawyer.
Bree: His lawyer? Why on earth would Andrew need a lawyer?
Andrew: (gives Sam a glass of water) Here you go Sam.
Bree: Huh! Honey what happened to your face?!
Andrew: You hit me... Don't you remember?

Bree: For the record, I did not punch my son I slapped him with an open palm.
Andrew: Yeah, but Mom, the thing is... When you drink, you don't know your own strength.
Bree: This is ridiculous! Can't you see this is a performance?!

Carlos: Helen! You work here!
Roda (adoption lady): You all know each other? What a small world!
Helen It sure is. Mrs. Solis hired my son to do her yard work, and also she would rape him.

Dr. Cunningham: (with his right arm in a cast at a 120 degree angle to his body) Susan, good to see you again! I'm really looking forward to your surgery!
Susan: And I'm really hoping you're a lefty!
Dr. Cunningham: Nope, can't even write my name.

Carlos: Gaby, these pictures have to be wholesome. They gotta say, "These people will do a great job raising a child."
Gabrielle: So?
Carlos: So you're topless!
Gabrielle: Yeah, but it's St. Bart's, and your hands are covering my naughty bits.
Carlos: You mean the hand that's holding the tequila shot, or the hand that's holding the Cuban cigar?
Gabrielle: Yeah, that was a great trip.

Carlos: Ah, this is a sign...
Gabrielle: Will you shut up?
Carlos: We lost the baby, found out we couldn't conceive another one, and ran into Helen Rowland at an adoption agency - God is obviously trying to tell us something.
Gabrielle: Carlos, we're Catholics, okay? God is pretty johnny-one-note on the whole subject of procreation!

Displaying quotes 229 - 240 of 429 in total

Desperate Housewives Season 2 Quotes

This cake is a symbol of my love!

Bree

Since her first day on the job, it had been clear to Lynette Scavo that her new boss, Nina, was unusually tense. To help relieve her tension Lynette tried giving her boss thoughtful gifts. A soothing wave machine, aromatherapy candles, even meditative Chi balls. But nothing seemed to ease Nina's tension. Until one day, when it occurred to Lynette there was one form of relaxation she had yet to try. And although it had come about in a unexpected manner, Nina's tension had finally been released, the old-fashioned way.

Mary Alice