Hey, it's Stewie. All I know about cars is what my mom does.

Stewie

Grab that letter opener over there. I'm going to show you why you should never mail cash.

Cleveland

Peter: Is that the one where they make his dress in little shorts and hats like the guy from AC/DC?
Brian: Yeah. Why does he wear that outfit?
Peter: 'Cuz he rocks!

I'd be happy to get you an interview. And as a white woman, you'd be the minority here. Unless you're an alcoholic.

Cleveland

Love is a powerful compass.

Joe

We can make this work, like couples who meet on Craig's List.

Brian

Oh, Brian's a complete dick, we all know that, but I think we're losing sight of the point that Bonnie's a weird slut who's always letting you know she's open for business.

Quagmire

I'm a bigger scumbag than Spock.

Brian

Here, we brought you guys an orchid from Trader Joe's, because we don't know or care about any of your interests.

Peter

That one trip to the petting zoo really messed me up. I saw too much.

Stewie

Glenn Close: Fart.
Brian: Uh..did you say, "fart?"
Glenn Close: Yes. That's me being rather silly.

Stewie: I want you to come inside me while I'm asleep.
Brian: No, don't say it like that.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Al Harrington, President and CEO of Al Harrington's Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man Emporium and Warehouse! Thanks to a shipping error I am now currently overstocked on wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men, and I am passing the savings on to you! Attract customers to your business, Make a splash at your next presentation, Keep grandma company, Confuse your neighbors, African American? Hail a cab, Testify in church, Or just raise the roof! Whatever your wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man needs are! So come on down to Al Harrington's Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man Emporium and Warehouse! Route 2 in Weekapaug.

Al Harrington