AHHHHH, my morning scream. AHHHHH! Heather's gone!

Chris

Chris: Hey Heather I made your favorite cookies, now I want to hear about your day.
Peter: Hey Lois I heard Katherine Heigl likes to french kiss.
Lois: Oh my god, Chris treats that pile of junk better than Peter treats me!

Lois: I thought you said you'd take care of it!
Peter: I did. He slept with it, now he'll slowly grow to hate it for the next 20 years.

Your kid's got a walk in closet?! Two of mine gotta sleep in the car!

Cleveland

Just last week I let you watch me complain after I ate too many hot wings.

Peter

There's nothing here, besides a weird life-sized doll made out of all the stuff that was stolen.

Peter

One day a rain will come and wash all the scum off the streets.

Joe

You go home and tell your mother, she's supposed to be a parent, not a friend.

Peter

Aw, Quagmire got away with it and learned nothing -- that's great.

Peter

You got a good body man, why do you hide it under your robe?

Peter

Did you hear about your ex-husband yet? He's had a procedure.

Stewie

Quagmire: Where do you get off?!
Stewie: Pretty much everywhere I hear. Fat man's right -- they're making this easy.

Family Guy Quotes

Hey, its Thanksgiving. Shouldn't you be in Detroit losing a football game right about now.

Brian

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Al Harrington