Family Guy Quotes
What if God is a serial killer? He lowers the average lifespan of humans to 65.Peter
I'm as creative as the first spider to spin a web.Peter
Brian: OMG, Stewie. What are you doing in the toilet with the lid closed?
Stewie: Ted R. says this is where a piece of crap has to live.
It's so salty and chunky where you don't want it to be.Stewie
Hey, Meg, I like your new boyfriend. Every pot finds a lid, huh?Peter
So I was wondering why this tampon commerical was so long, until I realized it was a rerun of Sex and The CityBrian
We act like we didn't take a lot from The Simpsons, but we took a lot from The Simpsons.Peter
Stand up is so 20 years ago. Twitter's only three years ago.Stewie
Brian: You've been hanging out with Tom Cruise?
Stewie: Sure have. We spent the whole day together, and he showed me there are a lot of advantages to being short.
Brian: Yeah? Like what? You're the last one to get wet when it rains?
Stewie: Doesn't it boether you being an adult man who's that short, 'cause the doctor said that's where I'm headed.
Tom Cruise: No way, man. In the middle of the word short is "or". Or gives you a choice, and I choose not to be short.
Stewie: Wow. You need a road map for that one.
Lois: Wow, Doctor Hartman, that's really short. I suppose it's fine if he's going to die at 14. Is there anything there about that?
Dr. Hartman: Well, we learned in medical school that the short ones do go faster, because they smell more farts than the rest of us.
Well, dad, I can tell you from experience, it's only wen you worst fears come true that you get to find out how strong you really are.Joe