Hey, it's Stewie. All I know about cars is what my mom does.


Grab that letter opener over there. I'm going to show you why you should never mail cash.


Peter: Is that the one where they make his dress in little shorts and hats like the guy from AC/DC?
Brian: Yeah. Why does he wear that outfit?
Peter: 'Cuz he rocks!

I'd be happy to get you an interview. And as a white woman, you'd be the minority here. Unless you're an alcoholic.


Love is a powerful compass.


We can make this work, like couples who meet on Craig's List.


Oh, Brian's a complete dick, we all know that, but I think we're losing sight of the point that Bonnie's a weird slut who's always letting you know she's open for business.


I'm a bigger scumbag than Spock.


Here, we brought you guys an orchid from Trader Joe's, because we don't know or care about any of your interests.


That one trip to the petting zoo really messed me up. I saw too much.


Glenn Close: Fart.
Brian: Uh..did you say, "fart?"
Glenn Close: Yes. That's me being rather silly.

Stewie: I want you to come inside me while I'm asleep.
Brian: No, don't say it like that.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Bill Clinton: All right, are you ready for another round of N.A.F.T.A
Lois Griffin: What does N.A.F.T.A. mean?
Bill Clinton: 'Nother Afternoon of F****** That Ass!