Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy
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Never judge a book by it's cover, or a movie.

Peter

Peter: Now Quagmire, when you introduce us to the ladies by the pool, I'm a millionaire, Joe's a war hero, and Quagmire's Magic Johnson.
Cleveland: I own a lot of theaters, I hope you don't know much else about me.

Guys, I gotta leave. I got a nosebleed, and I don't work here.

Peter

The ceiling is a pool! The ceiling is a pool! Quagmire you gotta get this!

Peter

Cleveland: It's sad when planes 'splode.
Quagmire: What? Yeah I guess.

Brian: Hey did I tell you about Kim in marketing?
Boss: You mean my wife Kim?
Brian: I'm gonna go sell that condo!

But now that you mention it, your face looks like a used condom.

Quagmire

Brian, we can try to help you feel a little less repulsive. But we're not spending human money on a deformed animal!

Lois

My god! You look like one of those animals.

Stewie

The stupidest thing I've ever done is turn the bubbles off in a hot tub.

Peter

Just let go of the rope, nobody has to get hurt Brian! Only one person has to get hurt Brian.

Peter

You didn't go to work today, did you?

Lois
Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 1961 in total

Family Guy Quotes

North Dakota, we're not even the best Dakota!

Peter

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley