Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFamily Guy Quotes
First, I'd like to not thank you for hiring me, because I just expect good things to happen to me without working for them.
Hammer
Peter, that's the problem with kids today. They have no attention span.
Quagmire
I'm off to get you a job, a girlfriend, and onto the road less scummy.
Stewie
What the hell have you been complaining about?
Stewie
Stewie, I'm in Chris' body. I'm dragging 250 pounds of lard up a ladder.
Brian
Brian: There was a time, not to long ago, when people would talk with each other.
Peter: Yeah, the bad time. The sucky ages.
Brian: Our society is doomed. People and technology are a bad match. Just like moms and Radiohead.
Peter: Lois, why is my son playing with a vacuum like a girl? Here. Play with this discus and javelin. Then you can grow up like a man like track and field star Bruce Jenner -- the greatest man in the world. Maybe you'll even end up on a box of Wheaties.
Stewie: Didn't these used to have nuts in 'em?
If God would have wanted women in the workplace he would have made them alcoholics.
Peter
Even in the 50s you're a scumbag.
Stewie
If you want to have fun with your girl try dancing. It's fun and good for your health.
Peter
For 60 years, Sundays have meant God, football and Family Guy. And later, to a lesser degree, The Simpsons.
Peter
Stewie: I can't believe you still want to invest in this. They use dog meat. How can you condone the eating of other dogs?
Brian: Oh, c'mon, Stewie, it's their way. Who are we to judge other cultures?
