Remember, if you screw this up, mommy's going to kill all of your toys.

Lois

Just one questions, Stewie. Do you get pleasure out of humiliating your family?

Peter

You're giving your baby drugs to improve his acting career?

Brian

I'm Brian. I like garbage peanut butter, and I wear my "I voted" sticker for a year and a half.

Stewie

He's a baby who did a baby thing. Let's all calm down a little.

Quagmire

Thanks for coming to my big night, Brian. I see you got all dressed up in your exposed weiner.

Stewie

I was living the life, banging chicks and eating cabbage. You know.

Quagmire

Giggity.

Cleveland
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This is more pussy than even I can handle.

Quagmire

You're dad doesn't wear this Dickie anymore? That's crazy. Why would anyone get rid of a perfectly good Dickie?

Joe

You want the media to go away? Just mention black on black crime.

Cleveland

I'm just saying. It's no surprise that justice isn't colorblind.

Brian

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley