Family Guy

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Four years later me and Lois divorced and Stewie died. Gobble gobble.

Peter

Well the fat man is never going to get back in time, and with him gone that makes you the man of the house.

Stewie

Hi there folks! Hand over the turkey!

No, but why are you saying the dogs name before dads.

Chris

Well last night me and Brian got drunk and ate the turkey, but before you get mad we also ate the salad.

Peter

Even though I know you never liked me, you still helped me when I really needed it. That says a lot about your character. I'm ashamed of myself, because I am none of the things you are. You're honest, and direct, and compassionate, aaaaand that's 72 hours! Enjoy your crap-hole dumbass!

Brian

When you were poor, you were always a douche, but at least you came by it honestly. But now, screwing over the people that helped you! I don't know how you sleep at night!

Quagmire

You know, I have a lot of fun up here in my room.

Stewie

Well, if anyone knows how to pull out it's Quagmire!

Stewie

Well, for the next 72 hours, I'm going to be harder to find than a nice cat.

Brian

Oh! There's a head in the freezer! Ooooh and sherbet!

Cleveland

It's probably nothing, but there's a stain on the rug in the shape of a little kid.

Joe
Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 1961 in total

Family Guy Quotes

North Dakota, we're not even the best Dakota!

Peter

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley