Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFavorite Family Guy Quotes
Peter: Oh my god, Road House. I want to buy this
Clerk: Great and as a bonus I'll throw in What Dreams May Come with Robin Williams.
Peter: No thank you.
Clerk: No charge.
Peter: I do not want it.
Clerk: But it's free, sir.
Peter: If that DVD even touches Road House, I will kill you.
Immigration Officer: Complete this sentence: The land of the free and the home of the blank.
Peter: Home of the Whopper?
(after arriving at the resort) Brian, this is wonderful. I feel like one of the Kennedys. You know, the over privileged drunk ones, not the socially responsible dead ones.
Lois
Stewie: Hey, you have a tattoo.
Brian: No I don't.
Stewie: Is that Ziggy? Is that a Ziggy tattoo
Brian: Aw, geez.
Stewie: Why do you have a Ziggy tattoo
Brian: I just to used think he was kind of funny. We should get to the hospital.
You can kiss the lower part of the back of the canister that is my body!
Cleveland (R2-D2)
Peter: Hey Mort, do these suppositories come in other flavors?
Mort: Peter, are you eating those?
Peter: No, I'm shoving 'em up my butt. Of course I'm eating 'em!
Peter, Peter! There's so much doodie in here.. I can't take it anymore.... I haven't eaten in four days cause... I just can't fit anymore in there. Help me.
Stewie
(Carter Pewterschmidt walks in his living room to find Peter naked, kissing Lois)Carter Pewterschmidt: Why are you naked in my house?!Peter: (turning around to Mr. Pewterschmidt) Uh....(pauses)...why aren't you?Carter Pewterschmidt: (long pause) ..You're alright Griffin.
You don't have to quit the force. I mean, you could get a desk job. Eh? You could be a desk
Peter
Young Michael Jackson: The kid in me likes the frosted side.
Adult Michael Jackson: But the grown-up in me likes the kid in me.
Peter: Barkeep, petro nemo slappywag. That's Petorian for "More beer, you slappywag."
Horace: You still owe me for the other rounds, which comes to fifty bucks.
Peter: I'm a foreign diplomat. I don't pay for drinks. Do you think G. Gordon Liddy paid for his drinks while he was strangling people with piano wire for the good of our nation?
(After Stewie dances, he and Brian are allowed to use a helicopter, which they fly over the mountains)
Stewie:(Over the helicopter's propellers) Brian, be careful cause the mountains are the same color as the sky!
Brian: What?
Stewie: I said be careful cause the mountains are the same color as the- WHOA!!!
Brian: What the hell was that?
Stewie: I'm practicing my comedy crash.
Brian: Well keep it down because I'm trying to-
(The helicopter is about to hit a mountain)
Brian & Stewie: WHOA!!!
(They swerve away from the mountain but the tail of their helicopter hits a cliff, causing them to hit a slope and slide down the mountain, they crash into a rock, sail out of the cockpit and hit the snowbank)
Stewie: Imagine the dance I'm gonna have to do to get our security deposit back.
