This Emmy thing goes deep. The same people win year after year after year. It's like there's some kinda secret society that takes all the awards and is keeping us from getting one.

Peter

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Anthropologie Associate: Sir. There's nothing strange or useless enough that we don't have here at Anthropologie.
Peter: I know one thing you don't have. Black customers.
Anthropologie Associate: Aaah! I'm melting!

• Permalink: I know one thing you don't have. Black customers.
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Oh, Lois just texted. Burgers or meatballs for dinner? I'll text back for you. Same things, bitch, just different shapes.

Stewie [to Peter]

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Stryker: Hey come over here. There's someone I want to introduce you to. 1997 George Clooney.
Peter: Wow. That's the coolest George Clooney there is.
Clooney: Hi. George Clooney. Second worst Batman.
Peter: Peter Griffin. Second best Homer.

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Peter: Ugh. It's the guys. What do those losers want?
Lois: Losers? Those are your friends.
Peter: Nah. They're lame. Not one of them has ever vaped at a funeral.

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Peter: Well, maybe I can give you half a breadstick later.
Lois: As long as you don't mind a little marinara dipping sauce.
Peter: That's absolutely disgusting. And I love it!

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We time is just as important as "me" time.

Peter

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Stop it right there, Lois. This is Family Guy. We only do the male side of the joke.

Peter

• Permalink: Stop it right there, Lois. This is Family Guy. We only do the male side of the joke.
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Mort: What a generous gift.
Carter: I know. Isn't money great?
Mort: Oh, it's the best.

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I took an oath. If mail touches me, I have to deliver it.

Cleveland

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Cleveland: I also have a fat, weird boy. Would you like a hug?
Peter: Yes. Birthdays are the hardest.

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Meg: Hey there, sailor.
Seamus: What are you doing here?
Meg: Well, sometimes I come here to think and fart.

• Permalink: Well, sometimes I come here to think and fart.
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