Brian: This one's bones feel all loose.
Stewie: I think this one's blind.

Jeez, that word looks a lot harsher when it's in all caps.

Quagmire

I caught two of them trying to eat each other, so that's something we need to watch out for.

Stewie

Brian save the placenta! Save it, I want to eat it.

Stewie

Stewie: What kind of feet can fit in these shoes?
Brian: Your feet!

You hit me! What kind of monster hits a pregnant toddler!

Stewie

Stewie: We could even use my own crib!
Brian: You use your own crib!

We do not judge the machine, we do not judge Stewie.

Stewie

This is serious Rupert, I'm losing him! I'm going to fix this relationship. We need a baby, and we need it now!

Stewie

Lois: Oh I'm not doing anything special, just sitting here with the baby.
Stewie: Screw you too.

Peter, are you just trying to take a knee until the end of the show? Peter that's not gonna work, you can't just --

Lois

Chris: It's made of skittles! You want to eat the baby together on the way home?
Lois: Yeah, I'd like that.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Bill Clinton: All right, are you ready for another round of N.A.F.T.A
Lois Griffin: What does N.A.F.T.A. mean?
Bill Clinton: 'Nother Afternoon of F****** That Ass!