This isn't a job for the meek, Brian. When you get in there -- you got to be hard.

Stewie

• Permalink: This isn't a job for the meek, Brian. When you get in there -- you got to be hard.
• Added: March 06, 2016

I brought construction paper and markers in case you guys wanted to draw breasts.

Joe

• Permalink: I brought construction paper and markers in case you guys wanted to draw breasts.
• Added: March 06, 2016

Peter, we have a hamper. Stop throwing your dirty clothes in the toilet.

Lois

• Permalink: Peter, we have a hamper. Stop throwing your dirty clothes in the toilet.
• Added: March 06, 2016

Couch 1: I just had sex with a girl on her period.
Couch 2: Dude, that's not a brag.

• Permalink: Dude, that's not a brag.
• Added: March 06, 2016

I might need two weeks off from this friendship.

Quagmire

• Permalink: I might need two weeks off from this friendship.
• Added: March 06, 2016

Don't you understand what drinking means to us workin' stiffs? It helps us forget about our day and tell our children we love them with a straight face.

Peter

• Permalink: Don't you understand what drinking means to us workin' stiffs? It helps us forget about our...
• Added: February 21, 2016

We want that drinkin' law gone, and everybody knows the best way to get any law struck down is to get the gays angry about it.

Peter

• Permalink: We want that drinkin' law gone, and everybody knows the best way to get any law struck down...
• Added: February 21, 2016

I'm not the smartest man in the world, but I can always look back on my life and say I went for it.

Peter

• Permalink: I'm not the smartest man in the world, but I can always look back on my life and say I went...
• Added: February 21, 2016

Yeah. Now I'm gonna stick my raw pasta in ya.

Peter

• Permalink: Yeah. Now I'm gonna stick my raw pasta in ya.
• Added: February 21, 2016

Sitting here all sober is more boring than watching a pot boil.

Peter

• Permalink: Sitting here all sober is more boring than watching a pot boil.
• Added: February 21, 2016

Getting alcohol when you're underage isn't as easy as Obama's daughters make it look.

Peter

• Permalink: Getting alcohol when you're underage isn't as easy as Obama's daughters make it look.
• Added: February 21, 2016

If there's one thing the new drinking age has done, it's to let us know that women tell terrible stories.

Tom Tucker

• Permalink: If there's one thing the new drinking age has done, it's to let us know that women tell...
• Added: February 21, 2016