Doctor: I did a CAT scan
Peter: On a dog, haha.
Doctor: Haha, we laughed about that too.

Doesn't it make more sense…to kill her?


Brian: Bazinga!
Peter: Haha, like what the guy scientist says. Brian, say something else from TV!
Brian: Watchu talkin bout Willis!?

A huge part of being an idiot is calling people out for thinking they're better than you.


Peter: You want a beer?
Brian: Peter, it's 11 AM.
Peter: If the clock ain't digital, you don't know that!

Oh thank god Brian's getting a book published. I thought this was going to be a Meg episode.


Haha, Brian's stupid! I must alert the townsfolk!


She hasn't read your book Bri - that's your main character.


That one's on the cover!


That's page one, she's quoting page one.


We now return to another Michael Jordan underwear commercial on a plane for some reason!


Did someone say "jewish!?"


Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley