Hey? You up? Guess where I have a crayon?

Stewie (seductively to a little girl at nap time in school)

Stewie: Yes looks like someone's gone at him with a whip.
Brian: That is a perfectly valid way of saying that. Bravo master.
Stewie: Master? Aaand a surprisingly quick erection for Stewie.

Neil: Is this a nut free counter?
Chris: Uh I don't know, my dad's might have been on there at some point.

Oh yeah 'cause you know him so well, shut your faaaaaace.


Brian: Well I don't know if I'd label myself a drinker. I know I like a cold beer after I mow the lawn.
Peter: There were three lies in that sentence.

Peter: I missed you Brian.
Brian: I missed you too Peter.
Peter: And now Im gonna go upstairs and pee in Meg's bed.
Brian: No, we're going to go pee in Meg's bed.
Peter: Good boy.

Oh god how do you get pink-eye? This is got to be it!


He's my friend, I miss him.


You go ahead, I have to make the waffle fries you scream-requested in the car.


Brian: Permission to take fast tiny bites at my own tail, sir?
Peter: Go ahead.

Home-Ec just got out, and I'm gonna go lick all their bowls.


It enhances my life to know how your life is going!


Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Bill Clinton: All right, are you ready for another round of N.A.F.T.A
Lois Griffin: What does N.A.F.T.A. mean?
Bill Clinton: 'Nother Afternoon of F****** That Ass!