Well the fat man is never going to get back in time, and with him gone that makes you the man of the house.


Hi there folks! Hand over the turkey!

No, but why are you saying the dogs name before dads.


Well last night me and Brian got drunk and ate the turkey, but before you get mad we also ate the salad.


Even though I know you never liked me, you still helped me when I really needed it. That says a lot about your character. I'm ashamed of myself, because I am none of the things you are. You're honest, and direct, and compassionate, aaaaand that's 72 hours! Enjoy your crap-hole dumbass!


When you were poor, you were always a douche, but at least you came by it honestly. But now, screwing over the people that helped you! I don't know how you sleep at night!


You know, I have a lot of fun up here in my room.


Well, if anyone knows how to pull out it's Quagmire!


Well, for the next 72 hours, I'm going to be harder to find than a nice cat.


Oh! There's a head in the freezer! Ooooh and sherbet!


It's probably nothing, but there's a stain on the rug in the shape of a little kid.


Never judge a book by it's cover, or a movie.


Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley