It's probably nothing, but there's a stain on the rug in the shape of a little kid.

Joe

Never judge a book by it's cover, or a movie.

Peter

Peter: Now Quagmire, when you introduce us to the ladies by the pool, I'm a millionaire, Joe's a war hero, and Quagmire's Magic Johnson.
Cleveland: I own a lot of theaters, I hope you don't know much else about me.

Guys, I gotta leave. I got a nosebleed, and I don't work here.

Peter

The ceiling is a pool! The ceiling is a pool! Quagmire you gotta get this!

Peter

Cleveland: It's sad when planes 'splode.
Quagmire: What? Yeah I guess.

Brian: Hey did I tell you about Kim in marketing?
Boss: You mean my wife Kim?
Brian: I'm gonna go sell that condo!

But now that you mention it, your face looks like a used condom.

Quagmire

Brian, we can try to help you feel a little less repulsive. But we're not spending human money on a deformed animal!

Lois

My god! You look like one of those animals.

Stewie

The stupidest thing I've ever done is turn the bubbles off in a hot tub.

Peter

Just let go of the rope, nobody has to get hurt Brian! Only one person has to get hurt Brian.

Peter

Family Guy Quotes

Young Michael Jackson: The kid in me likes the frosted side.
Adult Michael Jackson: But the grown-up in me likes the kid in me.

Meg: I wanna watch George Lopez!
Chris: That show only perpetuates the stereotype that George Lopez is funny