Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
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You know you've made it when you've got a teenage boss.

Stewie

This shouldn't embarrass you, the size should embarrass you.

Lois [to Peter]

Peter: Peter: My hog cannot partake in the slop this evening.

Whose leg do you gotta gagoosh to get an Amaretto around here?

Vinny

Quagmire: What was Simon without Garfunkel?
Peter: Wildly successful?

Chris: So did you get a lot of trim on the road?
Peter: Chris, that's wildly inappropriate

Meg, could you zip up your fly? That's kind of wafting over here.

Stewie

[meditating] I can be Giggity. I can be Goo.

Quagmire

Dammit Brian, you can't die! We were gonna do so many things together! We were gonna become windsurfers! I was gonna be a little better than you, but we were both gonna be good.

Stewie

Peter: Aren't you supposed to be running?
Chicken: Don't talk to me. You have a bad reputation in the chicken community.

Lois: Last night was the best sex I ever had.
Peter: Me too. We haven't done it like that since we were engaged, but allowed to sleep with other people.
Lois: What are you talking about?

Man: You renounced your citizenship?
Peter: Oh, I did that on the Italian "Shut-up-a-You-Facebook."

Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 1961 in total

Family Guy Quotes

North Dakota, we're not even the best Dakota!

Peter

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley