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Family-guy

Peter: A private plane? How'd you swing that, Quagmire?
Quagmire: Let's just say I walked in John Travolta with not-Kelly-Preston.

Quagmire: Do like me, say "oui oui!" and tell them you're a friend of Bill Maher's!
Bill Maher: That's how you'll get to watch them pee in Canadian nudie bars!

I'd even go so far as to say that a Canadian strip club is the most magical place in the world.

Quagmire

I always wanted to go to Canada, but then South Park went so we couldn't go.

Peter

Joe: You speak French?
Quagmire: Sure, they love me in France!

Dammit! I always wake up before I find out if they can understand the baby!

Hank Hill

I've just been hanging out here, having a great time with...Meg?!

Peter

Peter: Hey Horace, how about you take that weiner out of your hand and give me a beer?
Horace: Don't talk to me that way, you son of a bitch!

I'm feeling ship-shape, if the ship is the SS Minnow! Doctor said I'd be making bland jokes for a week.

Peter

Are you watching porn in the kitchen? Come on man, we eat in here!

Stewie

Lois: Dr. Hartman, is Peter gonna be okay?
Dr. Hartman: One more person asks me about a patient today, I'm gonna scream.

Peter: Excuse me, which one was Lindsay Lohan's dessert fork?
Waiter: I think it was that one.
Peter: [licks fork] Give me cocaine!

Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 1887 in total

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley
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