Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFamily Guy Quotes
Lois: Excuse me, we were about to use that.
Lady: You snooze, you lose, lady.
Lois: You have 2 choices. Either my baby swings from this jungle gym, or you do.
Stewie: Woohoo, Lois! Someone's wearing their ovaries on the outside
[Meg and Chris are raking leaves]
Chris: Hold it, Meg. Those two are mine.
Meg: What?
Chris: That's Randy and that's Fred. Randy's the messy one. Fred's very neat. And when you get them together, whoa! Hold onto your sides!
Meg: Nice to meet you both.
[Meg picks up the leaves and rubs them together]
Chris: Murderer!
[Chris chases after Meg and they get caught by Lois]
Lois: Stop it! Both of you! Starting now, you two are gonna love each other.
[Lois makes them hug]
Lois: Now stay that way!
Chris: It's gonna be weird to potty
Brian: What about the "writing angry letters and not sending them" exercise?
Peter: Aw geez, I wasn't supposed to send those?
Meg: Look, I got a letter from dad! Dear Meg, for the first four years of your life, I thought you were a housecat. Dad!
Stewie: Dear Stewie, get out. Oh, that's nice.
Lois: Mine just says Dear Lois, and after that it looks like someone just spit on the paper
Good evening, tonight's top story, Quahog is infested. With loud hairy creatures also known as New Yorkers
Diane
Yo! God is good ehn? And he expects us to be good. And if you're not, he's gonna come down, and bust your freakin skull! Amen
New Yorker Priest
Lois may be worth a million bucks to you, but to me she's worthless
Peter
[the Ku Klux Klan are chasing Peter and Cleveland]
Peter: Holy crap, do you see what I see?
Cleveland: I'm afraid I do.
Peter: We're being chased by ghosts!
Diane: A tragic accident today in the north Providence area, a family of four lost their lives when their mini van swerved off the road and into a ravine, exploding on impact.
[Tom laughs]
Diane: Do you find this funny Tom?
Tom: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, I was remembering I accidentally put my shirt on inside out this morning. It's fine now though. So what were you saying about a.... fashion show?
Cleveland: You just put Peter in the doghouse, which is where your mother...
Loretta: Don't say it.
Cleveland: Your mother smells
Cleveland: So where is it you need to go, my new honkey friend?
Peter: Rhode Island. That's not too far, is it?
Cleveland: Nothing's too far away from Maxine the cheatin' queen. Women. That's not fair, I'm just speaking out of hurt
Death's Mom: Why can't you find a nice girl?
Death: Ma, she's gonna dump him.
Death's Mom: Well, at least he got that far. [to Peter]: You know who he took to the Prom? His cousin.
Peter: That's weak.
Death's Mom: Yeah
Death's Mom: Death. Put your jacket on or you'll get frostbite.
Death: I don't have skin!
Death's Mom: That's 'cause you didn't eat your beans!
