Susan Sarandon: Hi, I'm Susan Sarandon. A lot of you know me as Tim Robbins' mother, but I'm actually his girlfriend. And this is Stewie. Stewie: What the deuce?
Susan Sarandon: For less then a ticket price for one of my movies about capital punishment or neo-feminism, you can make sure Stewie never goes hungry again.
Stewie: Yes, and from the look of those sweater cows, so could you

• Permalink: What the deuce? For less then a ticket price for one of my mov...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Lois: I hate what you become! Why don't you go back to that doctor and tell him to suck the fat out of your head?
Peter: Maybe I will, and then I'll put it on my feet and skate on Paul Bunyan's skillet to cook his flapjacks.
Lois: That doesn't make any sense!
Peter: It doesn't have to, Lois, I'm beautiful

• Permalink: I hate what you become! Why don't you go back to that doctor and...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Lois: Did you paste your picture over our wedding portrait?
Peter: Yeah, I think it looks better.
Lois: You pasted it over mine.
Peter: Yeah, I think it looks better

• Permalink: Did you paste your picture over our wedding portrait? Yeah, I ...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Cleveland: If you're this desperate about Chris's weight, why don't you just suck the fat out?
Peter: Look, if you can find a hole on the boy that you want to put your lips on, be my guest

• Permalink: If you're this desperate about Chris's weight, why don't you jus...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Guard: Excuse me sir, you can't park your van on the diving board.
Peter: That's not a van! That's my son

• Permalink: Excuse me sir, you can't park your van on the diving board. Th...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Peter [after surgery]: Knock knock!
Brian: Hey, pal, you can't just walk in here without - holy crap, it's Peter.
Chris: Dad, you're pretty, like a girl

• Permalink: Knock knock! Hey, pal, you can't just walk in here without - h...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Security Guard: You're not a shoplifter. You're just a fat kid. Sorry about that, Fatty Fat Fatty. Hey, Tom, he's just a fat kid! Aren't you, Fatty? You're just a big old fat kid. Here's some chocolate, Fatso.
Chris: Thanks

• Permalink: You're not a shoplifter. You're just a fat kid. Sorry about that...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Lois: Peter, did you get a new buttocks?
Peter: I had to. My old one had a crack in it.

• Permalink: Peter, did you get a new buttocks? I had to. My old one had a ...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Lois: Jump in, sweetie! The turtle will protect you!
Stewie: I'm supposed to entrust my life to a turtle?! Nature's "D" student?

• Permalink: Jump in, sweetie! The turtle will protect you! I'm supposed to...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Lois: Okay, meatloaf for us, and a very special, very delicious, steamed vegetable dish for Chris.
Chris: Ohhh. It tastes like a monkey. A monkey that's past it's prime

• Permalink: Okay, meatloaf for us, and a very special, very delicious, steam...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Oh no Lois. A guy at work bought a car out of the paper once. Ten years later, BAM. Herpes

Peter

• Permalink: Oh no Lois. A guy at work bought a car out of the paper once. Te...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Salesman: WOAH! Have you lost weight?
Peter: No, its still there, I'm just partin' it on the side

• Permalink: WOAH! Have you lost weight? No, its still there, I'm just part...
• Added: September 29, 2009