Lois: I thought you said you'd take care of it!
Peter: I did. He slept with it, now he'll slowly grow to hate it for the next 20 years.

Your kid's got a walk in closet?! Two of mine gotta sleep in the car!

Cleveland

Just last week I let you watch me complain after I ate too many hot wings.

Peter

There's nothing here, besides a weird life-sized doll made out of all the stuff that was stolen.

Peter

One day a rain will come and wash all the scum off the streets.

Joe

You go home and tell your mother, she's supposed to be a parent, not a friend.

Peter

Aw, Quagmire got away with it and learned nothing -- that's great.

Peter

You got a good body man, why do you hide it under your robe?

Peter

Did you hear about your ex-husband yet? He's had a procedure.

Stewie

Quagmire: Where do you get off?!
Stewie: Pretty much everywhere I hear. Fat man's right -- they're making this easy.

Don't think of it as 20 years -- think of it as two 10 year olds, you sick freak.

Peter

You know I'm carrying three handguns and the metal detectors picked up nothing?

Peter

Family Guy Quotes

(Stewie and Brian begin kissing in order to get thrown out of the Army)
Stewie: Wow, look at how gay we are! I am so gay with my gayness!
Brian: Me, too! I'm...I'm a homo.
Army Guy: Any room for one more?
Stewie: Hell yeah!
(Brian smacks Stewie)

No matter how low I turn the volume, Aziz Ansari is always shouting at me. What did I do?

Stewie