Lois: I thought you said you'd take care of it!
Peter: I did. He slept with it, now he'll slowly grow to hate it for the next 20 years.

Your kid's got a walk in closet?! Two of mine gotta sleep in the car!

Cleveland

Just last week I let you watch me complain after I ate too many hot wings.

Peter

There's nothing here, besides a weird life-sized doll made out of all the stuff that was stolen.

Peter

One day a rain will come and wash all the scum off the streets.

Joe

You go home and tell your mother, she's supposed to be a parent, not a friend.

Peter

Aw, Quagmire got away with it and learned nothing -- that's great.

Peter

You got a good body man, why do you hide it under your robe?

Peter

Did you hear about your ex-husband yet? He's had a procedure.

Stewie

Quagmire: Where do you get off?!
Stewie: Pretty much everywhere I hear. Fat man's right -- they're making this easy.

Don't think of it as 20 years -- think of it as two 10 year olds, you sick freak.

Peter

You know I'm carrying three handguns and the metal detectors picked up nothing?

Peter

Family Guy Quotes

[when he has an orgasm with Carolyn] Wait. Wait! Wait!! OHHHH!!! And boom goes the dynamite.

Cleveland

Mr. Washee-Washee: I no have your shirt.
Peter: You yes have my shirt!
Peter: Fine, I go. But this no over! I take picture of Ang Lee
Mr . Washee-Washee: Good! He do too many white people movie anyway!
You no come back ever! I don't like you American. And all you American look alike!