Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family-guy

Peter: Peter: My hog cannot partake in the slop this evening.

Whose leg do you gotta gagoosh to get an Amaretto around here?

Vinny

Quagmire: What was Simon without Garfunkel?
Peter: Wildly successful?

Chris: So did you get a lot of trim on the road?
Peter: Chris, that's wildly inappropriate

Meg, could you zip up your fly? That's kind of wafting over here.

Stewie

[meditating] I can be Giggity. I can be Goo.

Quagmire

Dammit Brian, you can't die! We were gonna do so many things together! We were gonna become windsurfers! I was gonna be a little better than you, but we were both gonna be good.

Stewie

Peter: Aren't you supposed to be running?
Chicken: Don't talk to me. You have a bad reputation in the chicken community.

Lois: Last night was the best sex I ever had.
Peter: Me too. We haven't done it like that since we were engaged, but allowed to sleep with other people.
Lois: What are you talking about?

Man: You renounced your citizenship?
Peter: Oh, I did that on the Italian "Shut-up-a-You-Facebook."

Meg: Chris, you have my back, right?
Chris: I don't know. [lifts up his shirt and sees his back covered with bacne] Yeah.

Meg: He's going to kill me! I can already picture my funeral!
[cutaway to a graveside service, Peter runs in and throws Meg's dead corpse under another casket]
Peter: Thanks, didn't want to pay for the hole.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 1887 in total

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley
x Close Ad