I love putting my hands down my pants when I'm on drugs.

Cleveland

And once again a Heavy Flow has ruined another lady's evening.

Wrestling Announcer

The only way to settle a family dispute is in the cage.

Peter

Meg: Trust me, I know more about getting bullied than anyone.
Peter: You do? How?

Can't you just go out there and pretend to have a good time?

Lois

Oh, my God! His chin does kinda look like nuts!

Quagmire

Karen Griffin: I'm just joshing, kid. Auntie's not a biscuit bumper.
Meg: I'm not either.

You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend.

Brian

There's nothing worse than grocery shopping the day before Thanksgiving.

Lois

Success is being true to yourself.

Lois

This is why you're so great, dad. You don't pretend to be someone you're not. You don't care what anyone thinks.

Chris

I thought you were this wordly, sophisticated guy, but you're just a fraud. Like Moses.

Chris

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Meg: Do you like Coldplay?
Tobey: Am I a dull white guy? Yes, I like Coldplay!