Lois: I thought you said you'd take care of it!
Peter: I did. He slept with it, now he'll slowly grow to hate it for the next 20 years.

Your kid's got a walk in closet?! Two of mine gotta sleep in the car!

Cleveland

Just last week I let you watch me complain after I ate too many hot wings.

Peter

There's nothing here, besides a weird life-sized doll made out of all the stuff that was stolen.

Peter

One day a rain will come and wash all the scum off the streets.

Joe

You go home and tell your mother, she's supposed to be a parent, not a friend.

Peter

Aw, Quagmire got away with it and learned nothing -- that's great.

Peter

You got a good body man, why do you hide it under your robe?

Peter

Did you hear about your ex-husband yet? He's had a procedure.

Stewie

Quagmire: Where do you get off?!
Stewie: Pretty much everywhere I hear. Fat man's right -- they're making this easy.

Don't think of it as 20 years -- think of it as two 10 year olds, you sick freak.

Peter

You know I'm carrying three handguns and the metal detectors picked up nothing?

Peter

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley