Don't think of it as 20 years -- think of it as two 10 year olds, you sick freak.

Peter

You know I'm carrying three handguns and the metal detectors picked up nothing?

Peter

My misguided carnal instincts are the results of being raised by a sexual deviant.

Quagmire

Doctor: How do you feel?
Quagmire's Mom: Horny. Really horny. Could you put him back so I can push him out again?

Stewie: Which is hugging someone really hard with your legs.
Brian: Nope.
Stewie: Oh, well you'll tell me if I get it right?

Does this mean you're going to move to Europe to make movies?

Peter

I don't want to go to jail, but I really want to take credit.

Quagmire

Random Party-Goer: You want to go upstairs?
Meg: Sure!
Random Party-Goer: Good. Go.

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Have you seen my copy of "Into the WIld?"

Peter

Let's go take a ride in my open jeep. I took the doors off so it's extra terrifying.

Peter

No, I'm sorry. I thought this was a bank.

Peter

You shouldn't have to do porn to feel appreciated.

Lois

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley