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Family-guy

Brian: Peter, what are you doing?
Peter: Playing Unga Bunga. It's the championship.
Stewie: Go away! This is why Zillow estimates our house at $4.

I'm glad we're staying together. Honestly, I don't know what I would do on my own. Like, I literally have no idea where food comes from. Is it that guy? Is he the food man?

Peter

Sir, I heard whimpering. Shall I fetch your crying tuxedo?

Butler

Oh, it's starting! I'm gonna live-tweet the show and ruin it for everyone in other time zones.

Stewie

TV Announcer: We now return to Jeremy Piven in The Incredible Hulk.
Jeremy Piven: You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
Man: I don't like you now.

That's the Riddler. He would make inquiries to set your mind a-jumble.

Cleveland

Did you see that? My dog had a gun.

Peter

Lois: Peter, we gotta go talk to Donna.
Peter: Alright, but you need to cool down first, Lois. Find a way to channel your anger. What I do is throw a shot put into a crowd and make it look like an accident.

Peter: I'm having an affair.
Lois: That's ridiculous.
Peter: It's not ridiculous, it's Cybill Shepherd. She's attainable for a guy like me now.

Donna: Oh Lois, I'm so glad to see Peter and Cleveland back together again.
Lois: Yeah, me too. Now Peter will have something to do besides flushing the toilet to Foghat's "Slow Ride."

Hey, Lois! Guess who made 15 baskets at the county fair? Some kid we beat up! What a great day!

Peter

Meg: Dad, sometimes I wonder why you even had a family.
Peter: I don't know...I was dating your mother, I don't like the way condoms feel, next thing you know, I got a mortgage, a kid, and a crappy job at a toy factory.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 55 in total

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Family Guy Season 12 Quotes

All I know about sex is from internet porn, so I'm very excited to try buffering.

Chris

Chris: Why are your nipples poking into me?!
Meg: Sorry! That happens when I'm cold.
Chris: But why are there THREE of them?!
Meg: They're aren't! Two of them are moles.
Chris: Those numbers still don't add up!

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