Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFamily Guy Season 2 Quotes
Joe: Peter wanted the trophy the most.
Peter: I couldn't have stolen the trophy. Last night I was stealing Joe's ladder so I could steal the trophy tonight.
Lois: Peter!
Peter: What? It's a ladder, he's not gonna use it. That's like taking a watch off a dead guy
Peter: You told them that we cheat on our taxes, steal lawn mowers, and worship some guy named Stan.
Bonnie: Actually I said Satan. That must have been a typo
And Cleveland, you're the boss because of your attention to detail. Like when we play pool, you take so long to line up your shot that I just want to crack you with a cue stick. But I don't because that would be a hate crime and I love you
Peter
Brian: It's amazing, Peter. You've inspired the whole neighborhood to work together.
Peter: You know what's really amazing? I haven't brushed my teeth in three days, and no-one has said a thing
Pretty high and mighty for a man who left our nation's flag out in the rain last 4th of July. That's against the law, Officer
Cleveland [to Joe]
Stewie: What the hell is this?
Lois: Sweetie, that's tuna salad.
Stewie: Oh, is that what it is? Really? Because I could have sworn it was mayonnaise and cat food
Lois: This could be a great chance for you two to bond.
Peter: Bond? James Bond. I'll do it
Chris [on the phone]: So, ah, what are you wearing? Wow. I bet you could see right through that.
Lois: Chris, who you talking to?
Chris: Grandma
Lois: It's Stewie. He peed on the carpet.
Peter: Do I... Do I hit him?
Lois: No!
Dr. Kaplan: I'd like to pat you Brian. Would that be okay? You're a good dog, Brian. A very good dog.
Brian: Keep it above the waist, Doc
Tom: And now part two of our very own Asian correspondent, Tricia Takanawa's special report on sex.
Tricia: Tom, I'm standing in the bedroom of Judy and Glenn Issacs. Ten years married and still in love. What's their secret? Judy has an inoperable brain tumor the size of my fist and that just happens to be Glenn's fetish
Peter: Hey Brian. How ya doin'? They let you out already?
Brian: Peter, I was in a therapy session, not a lunatic asylum