Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFamily Guy Season 2 Quotes
Peter: We all love the bible in this house.
Francis: Really? What's your favourite book of the bible.
Peter: Umm... the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece, and the man in a big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital
Lois: He just got up and left? Where would he go?
Peter: I don't know. I just asked him to buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks.
Brian: I don't care if he ever comes back... I wasn't being cute, I really hope he's dead
Francis: You're a good woman, Lois. Perhaps you won't burn in hell after all. Maybe you'll just go to purgatory with all the un-baptized babies.
Peter: There you go, Lois, you love kids
Hello Boston, are you ready to humblllleeee yourself before God? .... What, have you all taken a vow of silence? Come on!
The Pope's Emcee
Why does the man drop his club before he runs? I would bring it with me!
Stewie [watching baseball]
I didn't know there was a five a.m. mass. I didn't even know there was a five a.m. What else haven't you told me!?
Chris
Pope: Are you sure this is Boston?
Peter: Oh, yeah. [Points to a barn] Look, there's Harvard.
Pope: That's just a barn.
Peter: Ooh, I see someone went to Yale
I'd like to announce I've given the a gift the whole world can appreciate, I've colorized the moon
Ted Turner
Your Aunt Margarite is probably laughing at me right now while she's burning in hell, may she rest in peace
Peter
Peter: You gotta help me Brian. Teach me how to be a gentleman.
Brian: Well, Peter, it's not really that hard. Let's start with polite conversation. For example, 'it's a pleasure to see you again. Lovely weather we're having.' Now you try.
Peter: 'It's a pleasure to see you again. After Hogan's Heroes, Bob Crane got his skull crushed in by a friend who videotaped him having rough sex.' How's that?
Brian: Wow. Perfect. My work is done. But just for the heck of it, let's try it again
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god?
Peter: I do... You bastard
Meg: There is no way that I'm sleeping in Chris' room this weekend; it smells like old milk in there!
Chris: Hey, if I could find it, I'd clean it up!