Lois: Meg, I'm like one of those bald eagles you see on the Discovery Channel. Beautiful to look at, but mess with one of my chicks and I'll use my razor sharp talons to rip your [over timer bleeps her out] eyes out. Cookies are done! Who wants chocolate chip?
Stewie: Oh! Oh! I do. But keep talking. All this talk about eye gouging has gotten me all frisky. Seriously, I've got about a half a pack of Rolaids in my diaper

• Permalink: Meg, I'm like one of those bald eagles you see on the Discovery ...
• Added: October 14, 2009

Lois: I used to date the pyro guy from Whitesnake.
Meg: What's Whitesnake?
Lois: That's the music mommies and daddies listen to

• Permalink: I used to date the pyro guy from Whitesnake. What's Whitesnake...
• Added: October 14, 2009

Face it, Peter. Sooner or later your gonna have to pass the torch. I remember the first time Kevin beat me. I was so proud of him. I gave him a little congratulatory punch in the arm. And then another. And then everything got a little hazy. He had to live with a foster family for a while

Joe

• Permalink: Face it, Peter. Sooner or later your gonna have to pass the torc...
• Added: October 14, 2009

Eliza: Ew, your breath smells like kitty litter.
Stewie: I was curious!

• Permalink: Ew, your breath smells like kitty litter. I was curious!
• Added: October 14, 2009

Here's to our wives. They may not be as hot as the women you see on TV, or as entertaining. [pause] But, um...you know, I don't know where I'm going with this

Peter

• Permalink: Here's to our wives. They may not be as hot as the women you see...
• Added: October 14, 2009

I felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through

Quagmire

• Permalink: I felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through
• Added: October 14, 2009

Stewie: What are the stakes of this wager?
Brian: Why don't you just shut up for about a week?
Stewie: Excellent and if I win?
Brian: I wasn't betting, why don't you just shut up for about a week?
Stewie: You're on!

• Permalink: What are the stakes of this wager? Why don't you just shut up ...
• Added: October 14, 2009

Steve: Well, well, Officer Swanson. You and your friends are dead, you're all dead!
Peter: Oh, good, he thinks we're zombies. He'll leave us alone

• Permalink: Well, well, Officer Swanson. You and your friends are dead, you'...
• Added: October 14, 2009

Lois: Peter, I was up all night waiting for you, where were you?
Peter: Where was I? Where were YOU?
Lois: Out drinking. But I got back at two

• Permalink: Peter, I was up all night waiting for you, where were you? Whe...
• Added: October 14, 2009

Cleveland: Look at all the damage!
Peter: Thank God the open air debris garden is still intact

• Permalink: Look at all the damage! Thank God the open air debris garden i...
• Added: October 14, 2009

Mom, I'm afraid if I fall asleep, the hurricane's gonna sneak up on me and give me a vasectomy

Chris

• Permalink: Mom, I'm afraid if I fall asleep, the hurricane's gonna sneak up...
• Added: October 14, 2009

Nigel: Yes, and I'm afraid I'm the limey bastard who's purchased your bar. A bit of an awkward moment, really.
Peter: Awkward moment? I'll give you an awkward moment. One time during sex I called Lois "Frank". Your move, Sherlock

• Permalink: Yes, and I'm afraid I'm the limey bastard who's purchased your b...
• Added: October 14, 2009