Family Guy

Family Guy Season 4 Quotes (Page 3)

Episode 25: "You May Now Kiss The...Uh...Guy Who Receives"

Mr. Pewterschmidt: (indicates his wife) Look at my wife! Do you think I love her?!
Lois Griffin: Wait a minute. Are you saying that two straight people who absolutely hate each other have more of a right to be married than gay people who love each other?!
Mrs. Pewterschmidt: Well, that's what we raised you to believe.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jasper: All I ever wanted was to marry a skinny, hairless fillipino boy and live happily ever after. Isn't that the American dream?
 • Rating: Unrated

Episode 24: "Peterotica"

Betty White: Welcome to Peterotica on tape. I'm Betty White reading "The Hot Chick Who Was Italian or Maybe Some Kind of Spanish" by Peter Griffin. Chapter one, Oh god, you should have seen this one hot chick. She was totally Italian...or maybe some kind of Spanish.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Girl: Hi! Would you be offended if I told you that your prose suggests a male, working class version of Emily Berate?
Peter: No. Would you be offended if I said I'd like to use your ass as a bongo drum?
Girl: Yes
Peter: Well then we....are on two....different....wavelengths.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Hi Mr. Pewterschmidt!
Carter Pewterschmidt: Hello, Peter.
Peter: What's up?
Carter Pewterschmidt: Good...oh dammit...I mean...not much.
Peter: Whatcha got there?
Carter Pewterschmidt: Oh this? It's a gun.
Peter: Oh yeah?
Carter Pewterschmidt: Yeah, I'm going to kill you.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Quagmire: Guys, this is the best dirty book store in town; Family owned, great hours, and lots of parking in the rear!
 • Rating: 3.5 / 5.0

Quagmire: That's the exit. Of course in this place, every exit's also an entrance.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Brian: Wow Peter that's a book isn't it? That's the first time I've seen you reading something that didn't later turn out to be a sandwich.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cleveland: I'm no school administrator, but there's an extension program going on in my trousers.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Carter: I lost my home, my money, and perhaps just as serious, my wife left me!
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: You can stay with us if you want, you filthy hobo. You shouldn't be embarrassed of mooching off your kids at age seventy.
Carter: Go to hell, fathead! Wait, have I used that one? No I haven't. Go to hell, fathead!
 • Rating: Unrated

Betty White: (as Peter opens the door) Hi. I'm Betty White. I just got a subpoena regarding an erotic novel and I'm looking for the son of a bitch responsible.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Hey Meg, uh, we're trying to make some money and, um, would you like to buy some pot from your granddaddy and me?
Meg: Uh. Wow. Sure.
Peter: Aw. Fantastic.
(Carter hits Meg with a lamp)
Peter: What the hell was that for?
Carter: Now we've got the pot and the money.
 • Rating: Unrated

Episode 23: "Deep Throats"

Brian: I was just watching this special on VH1 about Gwen Stefani. I don't know what a hollaback girl is, all I know is I want her dead.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chris: Brian's the new Meg! Brian's the new Meg!
Meg: Yeah, you're the new me!
Peter: Shut up, Meg.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: I can't believe we lost the talent show! What'd we do wrong?
Chris: Well, I think I can shed a little light on that. You guys were so baked, you didn't sound anywhere near as good as you thought you were. I was in the audience.
 • Rating: Unrated

Episode 22: "Sibling Rivalry"

Peter: Banish a White Russian from my Kremlin.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Brian: Lois has gained some weight since you guys stopped having sex. Maybe you should, uh, you know, have some sex
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: Peter I'm not hungry.
Peter: I want you bigger, I want you fatter, it will please me.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: ( sees fat Lois come in ) Oh, hey Hogzilla. You seen my hot wife Lois anywhere?
Lois: I don't know. Maybe she's out looking for a man who can satisfy her.
Peter: (laughs sarcastically) Hey, do me a favor. When you're in bed, point your butt the other way. Last night, you farted, swear to god, I thought someone was stickin' me with the cigarette lighter from the car.
 • Rating: Unrated

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