Family Guy

Family Guy Season 4 Quotes (Page 5)

Season 4 Episode 21: "I Take Thee Quagmire"

Death: I'm going to a Celine Dion Concert. I'm not gonna kill her, I'm just gonna watch her die on her own.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cleveland: Hey, Quagmire, is that a banana in your pocket, or an erection in your pocket?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: My breasts are so engorged from the weaning, I've gone up two bra sizes.
Brian: What did you do with the old bras?
 • Rating: Unrated

Joan: If you ever left me, I'd cut myself, then I'd cut you. I love you, Glen!
Quagmire: I love you too, insane woman whom I'm having second thoughts about.
Joan: What?!
Quagmire: All right!
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Death? What are you doing here? Nobody's dying today.
Death: Not according to my paperwork. It says here your buddy Quagmire died of a heart attack. I gotta tell ya...I always thought it'd be rectal trauma.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: Glen, your place looks wonderful! I feel like I can touch things in here now!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 4 Episode 20: "Patriot Games"

Peter: I want to thank God. I want to thank the Lord God because It is really not up to me, it is up to him and I want to thank the devil too because you know that is why God is there. He is minding the fence to make sure that guy never comes back. You know if it weren't for the devil God had probably gone insane blowing he's brains out from boredom. Everybody likes to feel useful. Make a da world go around. Back to you Tom.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Peter: (In the bathroom) Could you bring me a towel? I threw up on the floor.
Tom Brady: Sure.
Peter: And could you bring me another towel? I also threw up on this gentleman's bare lap.
Man: Could you wet the towel a bit?
Peter: Wet the towel, Tom?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: How 'bout we let bygones be bygones,hmm?
Brian: You shot me in both my knees, then lit me on fire, Piss off.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chris: Mom, there's no water in the toilet.
Lois: First of all Chris, it's called a loo. Second, there's no water in it because everyone here just uses Elizabeth Hurley.
Chris: Alright, well, where is she, 'cause I need her now!
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Uh-oh. Either my esophagus just got shorter, or I'm about to throw up.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom Tucker: Coming up next, America's hottest new curse word: "kleeman". We'll tell you what it means right after this.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 4 Episode 19: "Brian Sings & Swings"

Stewie: You know Brian, when you're wearing that suit, it looks like you're taking a white poop!
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: Yeah, I don't need to go to the hospital or anything, I'll just use this Mr. Potatohead ear.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Greetings Hebrews and She-brews! What a Jewish glorious day!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: (to Lois) Bye, honey. And remember what I said, if I come home in the middle of the day and you're sleeping with somebody, I'll kill ya both.
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian: Hey, what's the point in waiting? You gotta live life while you can, and live it hard.
Stewie: Ah, the Chris Farley method, that's good.
 • Rating: Unrated

Meg's Teacher: (puts video tape in VCR) Ah well, that's not Nova at all, is it? That's a sex tape I made with my wife. Course nobody here's interested in seeing that sort of thing, are they? Probably not. No. OK. Oh, you kinda looked like you were nodding. Nope? OK. We should get back to work.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: Hey Brian, remember me? I'm the guy you left standing at the couter at McDonalds with a bag full of burgers. You know it's funny, I tried to walk home and, a lot of hungry deer out at this time of night. Oh, this is where the story gets interesting. You may have noticed I'm missing an ear. Was manged to pull it out of the deer's mouth and put it in some ice I got at a 7-11. So when you're ready to apologize to me just talk into this cup.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Season 4 Episode 18: " The Father, The Son, and The Holy Fonz"

Peter: But Dad, you told me to look into my heart to find my religion.
Francis: Yes, real religion! What I saw today wasn't religion, it was just a bunch of sheep, singing songs and listening to ridiculous tall tales.
Brian: Actually, that is religion.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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