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Family-guy

Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So this is awkward but I mean if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over.

Stewie

Peter: By the way Lois, I got a piercing over there. I'm not going to tell you where but I will give you a hint: it wasn't on my nose or my ear and it was one of my balls.

Peter: Ah Jasper, where'd ya get these brownies?
Jasper: They're from a bakery in the West Quahog Gay District. I thought they'd help my depression.
Peter: Oh, I can see why, oh my god, they pack so much fudge into these. Look at this, there are even a couple of nuts lodged in there.

Alyssa: Because if you do, I'll let you touch my boobs.
Chris: I...is that good? Do I want that?
Alyssa: Oh yeah, you want that.
Chris: Well, fantastic then.

Chris: I think I made Brian crazy. Maybe I shouldn't have burned that petition.
Alyssa: Oh, no. Chris, you did the right thing. It's only a matter of time before Mayor West signs that bill, and you'll get to touch these. (Indicates her breasts)
Chris: Oh, boy. I gotta feeling that before the end of the day, I'm gonna be burying my dog.
Alyssa: Whoa, whoa. I said you could touch my boobs, let's start with that.

Mr. Pewterschmidt: (indicates his wife) Look at my wife! Do you think I love her?!
Lois Griffin: Wait a minute. Are you saying that two straight people who absolutely hate each other have more of a right to be married than gay people who love each other?!
Mrs. Pewterschmidt: Well, that's what we raised you to believe.

All I ever wanted was to marry a skinny, hairless fillipino boy and live happily ever after. Isn't that the American dream?

Jasper

Welcome to Peterotica on tape. I'm Betty White reading "The Hot Chick Who Was Italian or Maybe Some Kind of Spanish" by Peter Griffin. Chapter one, Oh god, you should have seen this one hot chick. She was totally Italian...or maybe some kind of Spanish.

Betty White

Girl: Hi! Would you be offended if I told you that your prose suggests a male, working class version of Emily Berate?
Peter: No. Would you be offended if I said I'd like to use your ass as a bongo drum?
Girl: Yes
Peter: Well then we....are on two....different....wavelengths.

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