Family Guy Season 5 Quotes
If I enter Connecticut, I'm entering every state that Connecticut's ever been with. Good luck, brave travelers.Adam West
- Permalink: If I enter Connecticut, I'm entering every state that Connecticu...
Brian: I mean, you are getting a little old to have a teddy bear.
Stewie: Brian, I'm one!
- Permalink: I mean, you are getting a little old to have a teddy bear. Bri...
And just in time, too. I can't keep my teeth from chattering. Isn't that fun? I got these at Jack's Joke Shop in South Attleboro, Massachusetts. Remember, if it ain't funny, it ain't worth Jack. (Brian slaps him) Ahh! Bitch.Stewie
- Permalink: And just in time, too. I can't keep my teeth from chattering. Is...
Man: Interesting. What do I get if I win?
Stewie: My dog.
Man: Hmm. What can he do?
Stewie: Um, if you put peanut butter on your body, he'll lick it off. (moment of silence) (whispers) Anywhere.
- Permalink: Interesting. What do I get if I win? My dog. Hmm. What can h...
Ooh, a dollar!</i> Peter
(Peter leaves anvil and goes to pick up dollar and anvil falls on him)
- Permalink: Ooh, a dollar!
(Peter uses a lighter to make a fire on Meg's head)
Joe: Hey, Meg don't be such a "hothead".
Cleveland: Meg, you look "hot".
Peter: Meg, I just lit your scalp on fire.
- Permalink: Hey, Meg don't be such a hothead. Huh? Meg, you look hot. ...
Stewie: (while carjacking a man) GET OUT OF THE F**KING CAR! GET OUT OF THE F**KING CAR RIGHT NOW, MAN! (smashes the window)
Driver: (screaming) OH, JESUS!
Stewie: GET OUT OF THE F**KING CAR!
Driver: OH, MY GOD!!!
Stewie: DO IT! GO! DO IT OR I'LL F**KING KILL YOU!!! GET THE F**K OUT OF THE F**KING CAR!
(Brian carries the driver out of the car, then drive off as the driver leaves screaming)
Brian: Did we just carjack someone?
Stewie: We sure did, Brian. We sure did.
- Permalink: GET OUT OF THE F**KING CAR! GET OUT OF THE F**KING CAR RIGHT NOW...
Peter: (kicking the driver's seat in the car) I WANT APPLE JUICE!!!
Meg: (sighs) You wanna watch SpongeBob?
Peter: Yes! With apple juice.
(Meg pulls down a TV screen and Peter watches SpongeBob)
- Permalink: I WANT APPLE JUICE!!! You wanna watch SpongeBob? Yes! With ...
Guy: Wow! I can't believe it! One minute I'm filling up at Chevron, the next I'm having sex with Sharron Stone! Sharron Stone: Yeah. Now comes the best part. (She turns into a monster and eats the guy's head)
- Permalink: Yeah. Now comes the best part.
Lois: Who wants a glass of fresh lemonade?
Peter: Not me! What I want is a fresh glass of better daughter.
(Peter throws his lemonade at Meg)
- Permalink: Who wants a glass of fresh lemonade? Not me! What I want is a ...
(After Stewie dances, he and Brian are allowed to use a helicopter, which they fly over the mountains)
Stewie:(Over the helicopter's propellers) Brian, be careful cause the mountains are the same color as the sky!
Stewie: I said be careful cause the mountains are the same color as the- WHOA!!!
Brian: What the hell was that?
Stewie: I'm practicing my comedy crash.
Brian: Well keep it down because I'm trying to-
(The helicopter is about to hit a mountain)
Brian & Stewie: WHOA!!!
(They swerve away from the mountain but the tail of their helicopter hits a cliff, causing them to hit a slope and slide down the mountain, they crash into a rock, sail out of the cockpit and hit the snowbank)
Stewie: Imagine the dance I'm gonna have to do to get our security deposit back.
- Permalink: Brian, be careful cause the mountains are the same color as the ...
Peter: Cleveland, who would you rather do: Queen Latifah or Halle Berry,
but she's been dead for six hours?
Cleveland: Aw, man. That's a tough one.
- Permalink: Queen Latifah or Halle Berry, but she's been dead for six hour...