Family Guy Season 6 Quotes

Judge: Mr. Foreman, how say you?
Foreman: We find Peter Griffin guilty of murder in the first degree.
Peter: Oh no!
Bruce: Oh no!
Brian: Oh no!
Meg: Oh no!
Chris: Oh No!
Kool-Aid Guy: (Crashes through courtroom wall) Oh yeaaaah!
(slowly backs out)
Judge: Okay, can I ask everyone to please stop saying "Oh no" in this courtroom? Cause the f***ing Kool-Aid Guy's gonna keep showin' up. Thank you.

Chris: But I haven't seen Mom since she took me back-to-school shopping.
(cuts to living room. Joe is dressed like Lois with make-up and clothes)
Joe: So sweetie, you ready to go get some new notebooks and protractors and slacks?
Chris: I want blue jeans.
Joe: (yelling) You're getting SLACKS!

I did it! She's dead! (runs down the boat,laughing. He suddenly falls) Ow ow! (begins crying) Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! (realizes) Oh, yeah. That's right.

Stewie

Stewie: You know, Meg has really flourished since Lois was murdered.
Brian: What are you talking about? Lois's death was an accident.
Stewie: Which is just what someone who pulled off the perfect murder would want you to think.
Brian: What the hell are you - Stewie, did you kill Lois?
Stewie: Of course I didn't, Brian. Remember what you said? I'm all talk. I wouldn't possibly go through with it. I just poop and fall asleep.
Brian: Oh my God. You did it. You actually did it.
(Stewie's head has spun half way around)
Stewie: Oh God, I really screwed myself up here. Listen, could you reach into my pocket and get the number for that accupuncturist?
Brian: You son of a bitch, you killed Lois!
Stewie: Good luck proving that Brian. But seriously, get that number.
Brian: Well, I am going to expose you for what you are. No matter what it takes. You are gonna pay for this!

Joe: I didn't know that you had life insurance on Lois. Did you get that right before the cruise?
Peter: Actually I got it one the cruise. Right after we had that big fight when I said 'I wish you were dead'. Right before I never saw her again.

Peter: You've got this all wrong. Like God did when he made Rosie O'Donell.
(cut to scene of a drunk God creating a person)
Angel: You can't put a vagina on this man.
God: And why not? I'm God.
Angel: Well what do you wanna do about the breasts?
God: Take a couple out of the bin we can't find matches for.

Quagmire: That fat bastard murdered Lois! That son of a bitch; he's a killer like Bernie Getz! You know, the killer from the eighties. I used to do a bit on him back when I did stand-up.
(Flashback to a younger Quagmire on a stage)
Quagmire: Ah, what else is in the news? Oh, oh Bernie Getz. D-Did you hear this? This guy Bernie Getz shot a bunch of muggers on the subway. Wouldn't mind having him when I go see my mother in law. (Microphone whines) No, but really, New York City's a great place to live...if you're a COCKROACH!
Man in Audience: You suck!!
Quagmire: (Sadly) I know.

Bonnie: Joe, can't we talk about this?
Joe: There's nothing to talk about. I've outgrown you, Bonnie. I need to spread my legs and fly.

Quagmire: Alright Peter, this is a tough one. Alright, you ready for this? Okay, would you have sex with Cleveland, if it meant you could have sex with Angelina Jolie?
Peter: Uhhh, yeah, yeah I'd probably do it.
Quagmire: Hang on, hang on. Missionary, and you have to look him in the eye. No closing your eyes and pretending it's somebody else.
Peter: (Pauses) I think still, yes.
Cleveland: Thank you Peter.

Dr. Hartman: I'm sorry Mayor McCheese, but I'm not sure if any cosmetic surgery is even possible.
Mayor McCheese: Look, if it's a financial issue...
Dr. Hartman: Well it's not an issue of money, your head is a cheeseburger. There is no blood flow to it, it's just dead cow meat.
Mayor McCheese: Alright, well, I appreciate you giving it to me straight.
Dr. Hartman: Alright then, have a tasty afternoon.
Mayor McCheese: (laughs slighly)
Dr. Hartman: Ah, there's a smile.

(Bonnie and Joe are in bed)
Bonnie: Oh Joe, that was amazing.
Joe: I know, I was there.
Bonnie: My god, we haven't done it in so long, I'd forgotten how big you were.
Joe: I was going to say the same thing to you.
(Bonnie looks surprised)

(Joe introduces his new friends)
Joe: I'm taking my new friends. This is Parker, Quentin, and Portland.
Cleveland: Is Portland the black one?
Joe: Portland is the black one.

Family Guy Season 6 Quotes

You can kiss the lower part of the back of the canister that is my body!

Cleveland (R2-D2)

Death Star Officer 1: Any attack made by the Rebels against this station would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they've obtained. This station is now the ultimate power in the universe.
Stewie (Darth Vader): That is fantastic! Terrific work! So no weaknesses at all, huh?
Death Star Officer 1: N- (considers) no.
Stewie (Darth Vader): You, uh, you hesitated there. Is there something I should know?
Death Star Officer 1: No, it's virtually indestructable, like 99.99 percent.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Uh...OK, wouldn't be doin' my job if I didn't ask what's the .01?
Death Star Officer 1: Well, I- I mean, there's this little hole, it was kind of an aesthetic choice by the architect, and if you shoot a laser into this hole, uh, the station blows up.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that sounds like a pretty big design flaw there.
Death Star Officer 1: No, no, no the hole's only two meters across.
Mayor Adam West (Grand Moff Tarkin): Well, that's no bigger than a womp rat.
Death Star Officer 1: Exactly. And even to get within range of it, you have to skim along this whole trench, it's not a big deal.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Well, I mean, I mean, can't we board it up or, you know, put some plywood over it or something?
Death Star Officer 1: Well, that would look terrible! I mean, we got to think about re-sale.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Re-sale? Wh-what are you talking about? This property is right above Sunset, the value's only gonna go up.
Death Star Officer 1: Lord Vader, your inside references to the Los Angeles real estate market haven't given you the clairvoyance to turn a profit on that condo in Glendale, nor has it-
(Vader begins choking him with the Force)
Stewie (Darth Vader): I find your lack of faith disturbing. That property is in a prime location, twenty minutes to the beach, twenty minutes to downtown!
Death Star Officer 1: (choking) There's nothing to do downtown!
Mayor Adam West (Grand Moff Tarkin): Enough of this! Vader, release him.
Stewie (Darth Vader): As you wish. (releases the officer, who collapses on the table, gasping for air) All right, so we gonna plug up that hole?
Death Star Officer 2: Yeah, we can get it done tomorrow if price is no object.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Eyuuuuh...
Death Star Officer 2: We'll get estimates.
Stewie (Darth Vader): Yeah, get estimates, yeah ha, yeah, yeah ha ha, yeah.

Family Guy Season 6 Photos

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