Friends

Friends Quotes (Page 17)

Season 3 Episode 3: "The One with the Jam"

Phoebe: (Phoebe catches Malcolm following Ursula) Oh, well, what do you know? There goes my identical twin sister! Just walking along, looking like me!
 • Rating: Unrated

Joey: Oh, Jam? I love jam! Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?
Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Monica: I've got a new plan now. Babies!
Chandler: Well, you're gonna need much bigger jars.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chandler: Okay, well Janice said "Hi, do I look fat today?" So I looked at her...
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You looked at her? You never look. You just answer, it's like a reflex. Do I look fat? No! Is she prettier than I am? No! Does size matter?
Rachel: No!
Ross: And it works both ways.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chandler: Janice likes to cuddle at night, which you know I am all for. But, you know when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. So, how do I tell her that without, you know, accidentally calling her fat or something?
Rachel: Oh honey, I'm sorry we can't help you there 'cause were're cuddily sleepers! Okay, I'm late for work. All right, are you guys gonna come down?
Ross: Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm right behind you. (Rachel leaves) Okay the sleeping thing: very tricky business, but there is something you can do.
Chandler: but I thought you guys were cuddily sleepers.
Ross: No! No, not cuddily, not me, I'm like you I need the room.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ross: Let's say, Janice is coming back from a trip and she gives you two options. Option number 1, she'll take a cab home from the airport. Option 2 is you can meet her at baggage claim. Which do you do?
Chandler: That's easy, baggage claim.
Ross: (Buzzes) Wrong! Now you're single. It's actually secret option number three, you meet her at the gate. That way she knows you love her.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chandler: Do I look fat?
Ross & Rachel: No.
Chandler: Okay I accept that. When Janice asked me and I said no, she took that to mean that I was calling her a cow.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 2: "The One Where No One's Ready"

Chandler: (Walking out of the bathroom holding an issue of Cosmo) So I took the quiz, and it turns out I do put career before men.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Chandler: (Uncomfortably, about sitting on Joey) I am so comfortable.
Joey: Me too. In fact, I think I might be a little too comfortable ...
Chandler: All right. (Jumps up)
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Joey: You hide my underwear, I'm wearing everything you own.
Chandler: Oh my God! That is so not the opposite of stealing somebody's underpants!
Joey: Look at me, I'm Chandler. Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phoebe: (On answering machine) Hi it's me, I'm coming over now. Hey, what if I'm already there when you're playing this message? (To the guys) Is that too spooky?
 • Rating: Unrated

Ross: You see this, this is a person who is ready to go. Phoebe you, oh, you are my star.
Phoebe: Ohh, well, you're my lucky penny.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ross: Joey, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?
Joey: Cause I'm not wearing any underwear now.
Ross: Um, okay ... then, why do you have to wear underwear tonight?
Joey: Cause it's a rented tux, okay? I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues!
 • Rating: Unrated

Chandler: Donald Duck never wears pants. But when he gets out of the shower he ties a towel around his waist. I mean, what is up with that?
 • Rating: Unrated

Chandler: Ok, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I in turn have noticed that you are not. So, in the words of A.A. Milne: "Get out of my chair, dillhole!"
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Joey: All right, they got water, orange juice, and what looks like cider.
Chandler: Taste it.
Joey: (Joey takes a drink) Yeah, it's fat. I drank fat!
Chandler: Yeah I know, I did that two minutes ago.
 • Rating: Unrated

Joey: What's the matter, Ross? You nervous about your speech?
Ross: Nope. (Pause) You wanna hear it?
Joey: Am I in it?
Ross: Ya huh. Yeah, right after I thank everyone for giving money to the museum, I sing a song about the wonder that is Joey.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ross: (After Joey gets humus on Phoebe's dress) Don't rub it! What gets out hummus? What gets out humus?
Phoebe: Monica, Monica! You know, what gets out hummus?
Monica: If it is a new message, what is he calling to say?
Phoebe: Okay, thanks. Yeah, I'll try that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chandler: The cushions are the essence of the chair!
Joey: That's right! I'm taking the essence.
 • Rating: Unrated

Phoebe: Rachel didn't have anything I liked but she had this Christmas ribbon and I thought, "Alright, I'll be political."
Chandler: What are you supporting?
Phoebe: Duh, Christmas.
 • Rating: Unrated

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