Yeah, well I went to boarding school with four hundred boys. Any sex I had would've involved a major lifestyle choice.


Oh, this is so intense. One side of my butt is totally asleep, and the other side has no idea.


Louisa: Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is punishable by up to four years in prison and confiscation of the animal?
Phoebe: Oh my God! You'd put that poor little creature in jail?

Ross: Well, I think it's perfect. You know. It's just gonna be the two of us. She spent all day taking care of my monkey.
Chandler: I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.

Ross: I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to... woo her.
Chandler: Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1980's when that phrase was last used.

Ross: All right, I want my monkey.
Luisa: No!
Rachel: Oh, come on, Luisa!
Luisa: Sorry, prom queen.
Ross: (To Rachel) You had to be a bitch in high school, you couldn't have been fat.

Monica: Pheebs? You know how we talked about saying things quietly to yourself first?
Phoebe: Yes, but there's not always time.

Luisa: Luisa Gianetti! Lincoln High? I sat behind you guys in home room!
Rachel: Luisa? Oh, my God! Monica! It's Luisa!
Monica: The Luisa from home room!
Rachel: Yes!
Luisa: You have no idea who I am, do you?
Monica: No, none at all.

Monica: Mail call, Rachel Green, bunk seven.
Rachel: Thank you. (Examines it) Oh, cool! Free sample of coffee!
Monica: Oh good! 'Cause where else would we get any?

Rachel: It would be different if I had somebody.
Ross: Really? What happened to, "forget relationships, I'm done with men"? The whole penis embargo?

Chandler: Don't you think if things were gonna happen with Rachel they would've happened already?
Ross: I'm telling you. She said she's looking for a relationship with someone exactly like me.
Joey: She really said that?
Ross: Well, I added the "exactly like me" part.

Monica: He pooped in my shoe? Which one?
Rachel: I don't know. The left one.
Monica: Which ones?
Rachel: Oh. Oh, those little clunky Amish things you think go with everything.
Phoebe: (Entering the apartment) Hey.
All: Hi.
Phoebe: Whoa, ooh, why is the air in here so negative?
Chandler: Rachel lost Marcel.
Phoebe: Oh no, how?
Monica: He, he pooped in my shoe.
Phoebe: Which one?
Monica: Those cute little black ones I wear all the time.
Phoebe: No, which one? The right or left? 'Cause the left one is lucky...

Friends Season 1 Quotes

Phoebe: Okay, Joey, your bet.
Joey: I fold like a cheap hooker who got hit in the stomach by a fat guy with sores on his face. (The girls look at him, confused.) Oh, I'm out.

Chandler: So, Saturday night, the big night, date night, Saturday night. Saturday night!
Joey: No plans, huh?
Chandler: Not a one.