(To Rachel) You're like my best friend in the world, except for maybe Lori Schafer, who I don't talk to anymore because she's all bitter now that she lost the weight and it turns out she doesn't have a pretty face.

Mindy

Monica: Brrrrrrrrring!
Chandler: (Answering the phone desperately) Hello?! Hello?! (Realizes it was Monica)... Hell is filled with people like you.

Chandler: (On the phone, reading from a script) Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine. Give me a call when you get a chance. (Rattles some dishes) Bye bye. (Hangs up) Oh God!
Monica : That's what you've been working on for the past two hours?!
Chandler: Hey, I've been honing!
Ross: What was with the dishes?
Chandler: Oh, uh, I want her to think I might be in a restaurant, ya know? I might have some kind of life, like I haven't been sitting around here honing for the past few hours.

Phoebe: If you want, you can call her machine and if she has a lot of beeps that means she probably didn't get her messages yet.
Chandler: You don't think that makes me seem a little...?
Ross: Desperate? Needy? Pathetic?
Chandler: You obviously saw my personal ad.

Monica: (Looking out the window) Oh, my God. You guys! You gotta come see this! There's some creep out there with a telescope!
Ross: I can't believe it! He's looking right at us!
Rachel: Oh, that is so sick.
Chandler: I feel violated. And not in a good way.
Phoebe: How can people do that?
(Pause)
Oh, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy got gravity boots!

Ross: (Doing a crossword puzzle) Heating device.
Phoebe: Radiator.
Ross: Five letters.
Phoebe: Rditr.

Phoebe: Why didn't you leave a message?
Chandler: Because last time I left a spontaneous message, I ended up using the phrase "yes indeedy-o."

Chandler: She's on the other line, she's going to call me be back. She's on the other line, she's going to call me be back. (Dancing)
Monica: Don't you have to pee?
Chandler: That's why I'm dancing.

Chandler: I'm going to the bathroom. Will you watch my phone?
Monica: Why not take it with you?
Chandler: Hey, we haven't been on a second date, and she needs to hear me pee?
Monica: Why don't you just call her?
Chandler: I can't call her. I left a message. I have some pride.
Monica: Do you?
Chandler: No!

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