Friends

Friends Season 1 Quotes (Page 9)

Season 1 Episode 16: "The One with Two Parts (1)"

Chandler: (Thinking he's talking to Phoebe) Wait, wait! What are you doing here?
Ursula: Yeah, um, I was over there, and then you said "Excuse me, hello miss," so now I'm here.
Joey: No, no how come are you working here?
Ursula: Right, yeah, 'cause it's close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ross: I don't know whether he's testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, supposedly by accident.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, I've done that.
Ross: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did and peed all over the crossword.
Rachel: I've never done that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chandler: All right, now look at her and tell me she doesn't look exactly like her sister.
Joey: I'm saying I see a difference.
Chandler: They're twins!
 • Rating: Unrated

Rachel: Um, Pheebs, so, you guys just don't get along?
Phoebe: It's mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know. Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it, later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like "Yeah, right, well what else is new?"
 • Rating: Unrated

Rachel: So Pheebs, what do you want for your birthday?
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
Rachel: Okay. Let me put it this way. Anything from Crabtree & Evelyn?
Phoebe: Ooh! Bath salts would be nice.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ross: (Introducing themselves in Lamaze class) I'm Ross Geller, and that's, that's my boy in there. And, uh, this is Carol Willick, and this is Susan Bunch. Susan is, um, Carol's... mmm... Who's next?
Lamaze Instructor: I'm sorry, I didn't get that, Susan is...?
Ross: Susan is Carol's, Carol's, Carol's, Carol's friend--
Susan: Life partner.
Ross: Like buddies.
Susan: Like lovers.
Ross: You know how close women can get.
Carol: Susan and I live together.
Ross: Although I was married to her.
Susan: Carol, not me.
Ross: Right.
Carol: It's a little complicated.
Ross: A little.
Susan: But we're fine.
Ross: Absolutely. (To another couple) So twins, ha! That's like two births... Ouch.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chandler: (About dating a coworker) It's not just that she's cute, okay? It's just that... She's really, really cute.
Ross: It doesn't matter, you don't dip your pen in the company ink.
 • Rating: Unrated

Monica: I can't believe you. You still haven't told that girl she doesn't have a job yet?
Chandler: Well, you still haven't taken down the Christmas lights.
Monica: Congratulations, I think you've found the world's thinnest argument.
Chandler: I'm just trying to find the right moment, you know?
Rachel: Oh, well, that shouldn't be so hard, now that you're dating.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr.Heckles: You're doing it again.
Monica: We're not doing anything. We're just sitting around talking, quietly.
Mr.Heckles: I can hear you through the ceiling. My cats can't sleep.
Rachel: You don't even have cats.
Mr.Heckles: I could have cats.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 15: "The One with the Stoned Guy"

Steve: Well, smack my ass and call me Judy!
 • Rating: Unrated

Steve: Oooh! Tartlets! Tartlets. Tartlets. The word has lost all meaning.
 • Rating: Unrated

Steve: Macaroni and cheese! We gotta make this!
 • Rating: Unrated

Steve: Oooh! Taco shells! You know what these are? They're like little corn envelopes!
 • Rating: Unrated

Ross: Hey guys. Does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood?
Joey: How about Tony's? If you can finish a thirty-two-ounce steak, it's free.
Ross: Okay. Hey, does anyone know a good place if you're not dating a puma?
 • Rating: Unrated

Joey: (Teaching Ross to talk dirty) If you can't talk dirty to me, how are you going to talk dirty to her? Now, tell me you want to caress my butt!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ross: (On his plans for his date tonight) Oh, I just thought we could go out to dinner, and then maybe bring her back to my place and I'd introduce her to my monkey.
Chandler: And he's not speaking metaphorically.
 • Rating: Unrated

Celia: Say something... hot.
Ross: (Panicked) Er... um...
Celia: What?
Ross: Um... uh... vulva.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chandler: (Talking to his former boss on the telephone) Yeah, I miss you too. It's a lot less satisfying to steal pens from your own home, you know?
 • Rating: Unrated

Steve: (After spilling a bag of Gummy Bears) Oh no! Bears overboard! They're, they're drowning! (Starts throwing Sugar O's cereal to the Gummy Bears) Hey fellas, grab onto a Sugar O, save yourselves!
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Chandler: Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence tests, personality tests... and what do I learn? (He taps the results and reads them) "You are ideally suited for a career in data processing for a large multinational corporation."
Phoebe: That's so great because you already know how to do that!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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