I might buy a small diaper for your chin, because it looks like a baby's ass.


You're a really good teacher, even if everyone is calling you a man whore.


It takes years to build a good reputation, and only seconds to destroy it.


I'm an alcoholic and I like pills. I hear that's your type. Let's go in the closet and pork!


Some people like to film themselves getting physical with their partner. I happen to enjoy revisiting the impeccable form of my jazzercise routines.


We have to do what we've been dreading. Something more terrifying than Rachel's personality.


I don't know how to turn on a computer.


Why does everyone assume I'm angry all the time? It's called being sassy.


Artie: I'm kind of getting cold feet.
Brittany: Can you even feel your feet?

You're a slut, Will. You're a slut, you're a slut. Everyone should know that.


Puck: Jesse will never fully know what it means like to be a Jew.
Rachel: I'm ironically turned on by your bad boy image, but let's keep this professional.
Puck: I'm outta here. Why should I stay if there's no chance of making out?

I bribed Will Schuester's landlord to bug his apartment with baby monitors under his couch. And in his bedroom.


Glee Season 1 Quotes

I'm engorged with venom, and triumph.


What's a cliche? Is that a bad thing?