Favorite House Quotes
Taub: You want me to get Cuddy's approval?
House: I've got be somewhere important.
Taub: Sitting at your desk?
House: I'm running late.
Dr. Foreman: So we're taking this case 'cause you're a fan?
House: No, that would be crazy and unprofessional. We're taking this case 'cause I said so.
Dr. Cuddy: You used a $3 million piece of hospital equipment so you could read a novel?
House: Cool, right?
Dr. Cuddy: Well, as your girlfriend, I'm impressed. As your boss, you're a jackass. Don't do it again.
House: As your boyfriend, I thank you. As your employee, I resent you because I need this for my case.
Dr. Cuddy: As your boss, you just got six more clinic hours next week.
Dr. Cuddy: What is her problem?
House: She hates Jews!
Dr. Cuddy: Never... again.
House: What's your position on legality of illegal break-ins?
Dr. Chase: That's more of a second-week type activity.
Dr. Wilson: How are things going with Cuddy?
House: Great. We've gotten to fifth base. That's two home runs, and then she gives me back a triple.
Dr. Wilson: They're identical. Do you even want my input?
House: No.
Dr. Wilson: Then why'd you invite me?
House: Who'd drive my car home if I buy a bike?
Taub: Dude, is this about Thirteen?
Dr. Foreman: No. Why are you calling me "dude?"
Taub: Maybe its hard seeing House replace her when you've still got feelings?
Dr. Foreman: One - I don't have feelings for Thirteen beyond friendship. Two - it's a temporary replacement. And three - dude?
Taub: It felt right.
Dr. Foreman: House was wrong trying to come up with a complicated reason you hired Kelly.
Dr. Chase: Thank you.
Dr. Foreman: It's actually quite simple. You think she's hot. You want to sleep with her.
Dr. Chase: Well, it was nice to see you finally taking an interest in my life. We should go bowling sometime.
Dr. Cuddy: But you used to have sex with her.
House: Well, it was a massage plus happy ending sort of thing. Now it's more of a sad ending. (brightly) Because of you!
Dr. Foreman: Where are you?
House: I believe this is what your people term a poopie call.
Dr. Foreman: Uh, the word's booty.
House: Well, I don't know what you're doing, but this is a poopie call.
Dr. Wilson: Cuddy will be home from work in six hours. But no big deal. I'll just scream, "Look over there," while you quickly shove a scope up her daughter's rectum.
House: I could offer to baby-sit again, let her have the night out.
Dr. Wilson: Sure. That won't raise any suspicions.
House: I wish I was nicer.
