Dr. Cuddy: You're right. Odds are this is nothing.
House: Meet me in the cafeteria in ten. There'll be a corn dog with your name on it. I mean an actual corn dog. They fixed the deep fryer.

Dr. Cuddy: Did you actually wake up early and hide under the bed just to scare the crap outta me?
House: Set an alarm and everything.
Dr. Cuddy: It's like dating a ten-year-old.
House: God, I hope not.

House: I could do better.
Cuddy: I don't think you can.

House: If you don't make it, I won't sleep with anyone for at least a month.
Cuddy: Make it two.

Keep talking like Wilson and you're face is gonna freeze like that.

I didn't wanna kill anybody. I just wanted to torture them slowly, preferably with acid.

Masters

Good thing I brought my axe cane.

Taub: He's doggy padding in the sea of misery. I remember what that was like.
Foreman: Yeah? How far back did you go for that memory? Last night?

She needs support and comfort. Both things I famously suck at.

Taub: Can I at least search his house for drugs?
House: Have I ever said no to that question?

House: How often do you use your vibrator?
Carmen: Excuse me?!
House: Your battery-operated Brad Pitt.

House: Who password-protects a computer they keep in a locked desk in a locked office?
Masters: Someone who works with someone who thinks it's okay to break into other people's homes?

House Season 7 Quotes

Arlene [to Cuddy]: If you're going to dress like an Italian hooker, at least let it be this year's Italian hooker.
Julia: She's not telling us we look fat. That's a major breakthrough.
Arlene: If you didn't want to be insulted, you wouldn't have invited me.

Dr. Cuddy's first assignment was for me to get to know everything about Dr. House's team... and not to believe anything any of them told me.

Alex