How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother Quotes (Page 4)

Season 8 Episode 6: "Splitsville"

Barney: Talk about a double standard. Every time I go after a busty dullard that can't tell time or thinks I'm the ghost of Leonardo Dicaprio, I'm shallow. But somehow it's okay for Robin to date a guy who can't be trusted around outlets.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 8 Episode 5: "The Autumn of Breakups"

Lily: Oprah wasn't built in a day.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Nick: Who's poppin' a chub for some grub?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Wingmanship is a two way street.
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: Sorry we're late. We just came from the tailor. Brover couldn't settle on a tie so I just bought them all. You say no to that face!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Barney: Two scotches, both neat. And if you've got some nuts, this guy lost a couple. Ha ha, take the hit, just take the hit.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily: Look Ted, it gets exhausting constantly giving people advice they haven't asked for, so I'm training Marshall
Marshall: My goal is to eventually say things that are so sassy and wise, that there is no possible response other than Mm or Mmhm. And if this is a place where we can share our dreams, I like to think that it is, I hope someday, to earn a...testify!
 • Rating: 3.3 / 5.0

Ted: Why wouldn't she just come right out and say what she wants?
Marshall: Men! It's like if there weren't pickle jars to open and spiders to kill and computers to back up, what would be their point?
Lily: MmHm.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: Victoria is happy we're taking things slow.
Marshall: Oh oh honey sweetie baby. No thirty-two year old woman is happy taking things slow. Trust me, Victoria has got friends from high school posting pictures of second babies on Facebook and you think girlfriend's all like, oh lets just bone a bunch so I'm another year older and still single? Bitch please!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 8 Episode 4: "Who Wants To Be A Godparent"

Barney: If Ted raises him the poor kids still gonna be a virgin when he's 13. I'm the obvious choice.
Robin: Hey look, as the only one here packin a vag I got a natural instinct for nurturing and crap like that plus I could teach him how to bow hunt.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Ted: Cleveland sports are still relative. Lebron who? Right guys?
Barney: Ted neither Cleveland or you knows how to get over someone leaving them.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Bro bro bro your broat, gently to the bar. Hit on some sluts then do 10 shots...
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Barney: Bro MacDonald had a farm, ee i ee i bro. And on that farm he had some chicks, eei ee i bro. With a hot chick here and a dumb chick there...
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: If called upon, I'd be honored to raise Marvin.
Robin: If you want him to be raised by his underwear on a flagpole, Teds your guy. If you want him pulling the cord on some other nerds panties, I'm your guy.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marshall: You smell that? That's the smell of urine that isn't Marvin's.
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: Barney Stinson how may I direct my penis?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 8 Episode 3: "Nannies"

Red: Victoria keeps tampons at my apartment.
Robin: Damn it!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: Kids, when you're in a new relationship and you're competing with your ex for who's happier, it can get ugly.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Robin, I spent seven grand on merch. This is happening.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Sorry about your eye. I'm available.
 • Rating: Unrated

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