Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS

Marshall: Ted, Karen's a douche.
Ted: Wow, thanks for sugar-coating it.
Marshall: "Douche" is sugar-coating it

Robin: I can't break 15 bricks with my forehead.
Barney: Robin, it's not 1950 anymore. Yes, you can

Barney: That's what corporate America wants: people who seem like bold risk takers, but never actually do anything

Barney: All my life I have dared to go past what is possible.
Interviewer: To the impossible?
Barney: Actually, past that. To the place where the possible and the impossible meet, to become... the possimpible.
Lily: The possimpible? Really?
Barney: Inventing your own word shows creativity and vision—Visitivity

Robin: Thanks for coming by. I monkeyed around with the thermostat for about an hour before I realized it was the intercom.
Marshall: Yeah, I heard you swearing downstairs

Ted: Can't you just leave the place open a little while longer? We'll keep an eye on things.
Carl: You two? No way, you wouldn't know the first thing about running a bar.
Barney: Serve the hotties first?
Carl: Here's the keys

Ted: We should buy a bar.
Barney: Of course, we should buy a bar!
Ted: We should totally buy a bar.
Barney: We should totally buy a bar. Our bar would be awesome. And dude, dude, dude, dude... the name of our bar... Puzzles. People will be, like, "Why is it called Puzzles?". That's the puzzle

Ted: So, how many people are in on this Party School Bingo thing?
Barney: Oh, it's just me.
Ted: So what's the point, then?
Barney: The point is to get five in a row.
Ted: And what do you get when you get five in a row?
Barney: I get Bingo

Brunette: I don't know if you guys have ever seen Star Wars, but it's like Hoth out there.
Ted: Dibs.
Blonde: It reminds me of when I used to go sledding with my dad—before he left.
Barney: And dibs

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