How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother

Lily: Okay, okay, okay, stop fighting.
Kid 1: Why?
Lily: Because it's stupid and juvenile.
Kid 2: We're six; we are stupid and juvenile!

Marshall: You know what, Doug, I will gladly pay. And you know why? Cause that's what grown-ups do! They pay for their drinks and they don't get into fights. You know what I was doing while you guys were out there being immature? I tell you what I was doing...
Barney: ...your nails?!
Marshall: Haha, No, I was doing...
Ted: ...a relationship-quiz in this month's Cosmo?!
Marshall: No, I was doing...
Barney: Your best not to cry when Big came back for Carrie at the end of the Sex and the City movie?!

Robin: There are plenty of legitimate reasons to get in a fight. It might not be pretty, but in certain situations you gotta do what you gotta do.
Ted: Right, I forgot, she thinks fighting is sexy.
Robin: No, I do not... a lot! Look, I come from a culture of hockey players. If a guy can throw down it's somewhat way hot. And scars? Hello! If a guy's got a scar, he's got a Robin, and if he's missing teeth, I'm missing my pants!

I just had decent sex with an awful human being. I am back!

Ted

All these years I've been suiting-up when I should've been suiting-down

Barney [referring to the naked man's success]

He may not fit society's definition of a hero, but he is the hero I needed. The hero who helped me recover from the disaster of my failed almost-marriage and get back into the game. He lives in the shadows. Is he a dream? Truth? Fiction? Damnation? Salvation? He is all these things and none of them. He is...The Naked Man

Ted

Robin: Look at those girls Lily. Look at them and listen to what their "woos" are really saying.
Woman #1: Woooo!
Subtitle: I cry in the shower!
Woman #2: Woooo!
Subtitle: I've never been on a second date!
Woman #3: Woooo!
Subtitle: What if I never get to be a Mother?!
Woman #4: Woooo!
Subtitle: I'm secretly in love with Jillian!
Ted: Woooo!
Subtitle: My career and love life are heading nowhere!

Lily: Oh, my God, Bitch, this is our anthem!
Robin: Really, who sings this?
Lily: Is LL Cool J still doing things?

Barney: I know. We are Swedish. We are so cool with our baguettes and our Eiffel Tower.
Marshall: Dude, Sweden is not France, you know that, right?
Barney: Oh, it's France!

God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, but I know a lot of girls call out your name because of me. Awesome

Barney

Marshall [looking inside Barney's "Not a Fathers Day" card]: It appears to be some sort of Asian hooker.
Barney: Yes, because on Not a Fathers Day, you get a Thai you'd actually wear! Wordplay five!

Robin: Anytime you even hear the word kids you get two little lactation stains on your shirt.
Ted: Thank God you're not a mom. You are such an ice queen, any baby nursing from you would get brain freeze!

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 103 in total

How I Met Your Mother Season 4 Quotes

Barney: Let's be clear: I don't love [Robin], okay? I just... miss her when she's not around, think about her all the time, and I imagine us one day running towards each other in slow motion and I'm wearing a brown suede vest.

Ted: Chinese [food]?
Barney: I don't like Chinese.
Ted: Indian?
Barney: I just said, I don't like Chinese.
Ted: Indian isn't Chinese.
Barney: Weird meats, funny music, side of rice. Why are we splitting hairs?
Ted: Mexican?
Barney: I just said, I don't like Chinese!

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