Lily: Okay, okay, okay, stop fighting.
Kid 1: Why?
Lily: Because it's stupid and juvenile.
Kid 2: We're six; we are stupid and juvenile!

Marshall: You know what, Doug, I will gladly pay. And you know why? Cause that's what grown-ups do! They pay for their drinks and they don't get into fights. You know what I was doing while you guys were out there being immature? I tell you what I was doing...
Barney: ...your nails?!
Marshall: Haha, No, I was doing...
Ted: ...a relationship-quiz in this month's Cosmo?!
Marshall: No, I was doing...
Barney: Your best not to cry when Big came back for Carrie at the end of the Sex and the City movie?!

Robin: There are plenty of legitimate reasons to get in a fight. It might not be pretty, but in certain situations you gotta do what you gotta do.
Ted: Right, I forgot, she thinks fighting is sexy.
Robin: No, I do not... a lot! Look, I come from a culture of hockey players. If a guy can throw down it's somewhat way hot. And scars? Hello! If a guy's got a scar, he's got a Robin, and if he's missing teeth, I'm missing my pants!

I just had decent sex with an awful human being. I am back!


All these years I've been suiting-up when I should've been suiting-down

Barney [referring to the naked man's success]

He may not fit society's definition of a hero, but he is the hero I needed. The hero who helped me recover from the disaster of my failed almost-marriage and get back into the game. He lives in the shadows. Is he a dream? Truth? Fiction? Damnation? Salvation? He is all these things and none of them. He is...The Naked Man


Robin: Look at those girls Lily. Look at them and listen to what their "woos" are really saying.
Woman #1: Woooo!
Subtitle: I cry in the shower!
Woman #2: Woooo!
Subtitle: I've never been on a second date!
Woman #3: Woooo!
Subtitle: What if I never get to be a Mother?!
Woman #4: Woooo!
Subtitle: I'm secretly in love with Jillian!
Ted: Woooo!
Subtitle: My career and love life are heading nowhere!

Lily: Oh, my God, Bitch, this is our anthem!
Robin: Really, who sings this?
Lily: Is LL Cool J still doing things?

Barney: I know. We are Swedish. We are so cool with our baguettes and our Eiffel Tower.
Marshall: Dude, Sweden is not France, you know that, right?
Barney: Oh, it's France!

God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, but I know a lot of girls call out your name because of me. Awesome


Marshall [looking inside Barney's "Not a Fathers Day" card]: It appears to be some sort of Asian hooker.
Barney: Yes, because on Not a Fathers Day, you get a Thai you'd actually wear! Wordplay five!

Robin: Anytime you even hear the word kids you get two little lactation stains on your shirt.
Ted: Thank God you're not a mom. You are such an ice queen, any baby nursing from you would get brain freeze!

How I Met Your Mother Season 4 Quotes

Ted: We should buy a bar.
Barney: Of course, we should buy a bar!
Ted: We should totally buy a bar.
Barney: We should totally buy a bar. Our bar would be awesome. And dude, dude, dude, dude... the name of our bar... Puzzles. People will be, like, "Why is it called Puzzles?". That's the puzzle

Ted [to Stella in his dream encounter]: You picked the wrong guy.
Stella: Ted?
Ted: You picked the wrong guy. You made a really, really, really bad choice. What were you thinking? That guy? Are you kidding me? Have you learned nothing in the last eight years? You're just gonna regret this. You know that, right? You are going to regret this, and now there is nothing you can do about it because it's too late. All you can do now is go up there and start your crappy, disappointing life that will never be nearly as happy as the one you could have had with me. Good-bye.
Stella: Ted, wait.
Ted: Look, Stella, I am not here to win you back. I am here because I need to know that you know you made the biggest mistake of your life.
Stella: I know