You know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that except you don't wake up in a castle — you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation.

Phil

Alex, honey, when you're out shopping, you might want to pick yourself up a training bra. I know you don't need one now but your little boobies are going to come in soon. Mommy loves you, kitten!

Claire

The computer and the printer must talk, talk, talk/Command P makes the picture walk, walk, walk.

Phil

You have your fans, I have mine. And one day, your fans are gonna work for my fans.

Alex [to Haley]

Why do I have to watch a French movie, I didn't do anything wrong.

Phil

The poncho by itself is fine. The poncho plus the flute plus the stupid dance? My son will die a virgin

Gloria

Ordinarily I'm a rule follower, but when someone tells me I can't bring my own snacks into their stadium? That's when I get a little... nuts. It's a free country right? Let's just say it Ruffles me when some Goobers tell me I have to spend my half my PayDay on their hot dogs.

Phil

The little snowflake makes it cold, cold, cold. Set Temperature makes it hold, hold, hold...

Phil

Manny: I wanna be home-schooled.
Gloria: Really Manny? You want me to learn you English?

I'm the ass kicking clown that will twist you like a balloon animal!

Cameron

You're all the porn I need.

Phil

I'm just a boy trying to bring style back to travel.

Manny

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me