You know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that except you don't wake up in a castle — you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation.


Alex, honey, when you're out shopping, you might want to pick yourself up a training bra. I know you don't need one now but your little boobies are going to come in soon. Mommy loves you, kitten!


The computer and the printer must talk, talk, talk/Command P makes the picture walk, walk, walk.


You have your fans, I have mine. And one day, your fans are gonna work for my fans.

Alex [to Haley]

Why do I have to watch a French movie, I didn't do anything wrong.


The little snowflake makes it cold, cold, cold. Set Temperature makes it hold, hold, hold...


Manny: I wanna be home-schooled.
Gloria: Really Manny? You want me to learn you English?

I'm the ass kicking clown that will twist you like a balloon animal!


The poncho by itself is fine. The poncho plus the flute plus the stupid dance? My son will die a virgin


Ordinarily I'm a rule follower, but when someone tells me I can't bring my own snacks into their stadium? That's when I get a little... nuts. It's a free country right? Let's just say it Ruffles me when some Goobers tell me I have to spend my half my PayDay on their hot dogs.


We'll be on her like white on rice... which might sound racist because we're white and she, presumably, like rice.


I'm just a boy trying to bring style back to travel.


Modern Family Quotes

Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.