Obviously there were 2 gifts wrapped similarly and my eyes were a little watery from the thick fog of vapor rub back there.

Cam

It was pretty pricey, but they're judgey so we knew the'd love it.

Mitchell

Point is- a guy like me gets that lucky, he quits while he's ahead.

Phil

I'm gonna miss that Juliana. That woman knows where the bodies are buried.

Phil

Phil: Happy Valentine's Day by the way.
Claire: Ew no, I'm gross and sweaty from running.

Whats next you're gonna dress her in fishnets? Put her in a window in Amsterdam? Just keep it casual!

Jay [about Stella]

This is a place of business. She needs to throw a tarp over those bounce houses.

Jay

It is really nice to be liked for who you really are pretending to be.

Mitchell

Claire: What party?
Mitchell: Aw the two saddest words in the English language.

Looks like someone has an issue with anger franagment!

Mitchell

Oh c'mon please, my dad is Ms. Dunphy, I'm just Claire!

Claire

Claire: Well hello! How is your first day back in the closet...business?
Mitchell: That makes no sense, I've never worked here before.
Claire: It's just a gay joke Mitchell. Don't over-think it.