Claire: You've never stolen anything before?
Phil: Only my entire high school production of The Wiz.

Lot of attitude from a guy whose date is a tub of ice cream and a fuzzy robe. You're spending Valentine's Day in a Cathy comic.

Jay [to Manny]

As loud as these 2 are, they move like cats.

Jay

Obviously there were 2 gifts wrapped similarly and my eyes were a little watery from the thick fog of vapor rub back there.

Cam

It was pretty pricey, but they're judgey so we knew the'd love it.

Mitchell

Point is- a guy like me gets that lucky, he quits while he's ahead.

Phil

I'm gonna miss that Juliana. That woman knows where the bodies are buried.

Phil

Phil: Happy Valentine's Day by the way.
Claire: Ew no, I'm gross and sweaty from running.

Whats next you're gonna dress her in fishnets? Put her in a window in Amsterdam? Just keep it casual!

Jay [about Stella]

This is a place of business. She needs to throw a tarp over those bounce houses.

Jay

It is really nice to be liked for who you really are pretending to be.

Mitchell

Claire: What party?
Mitchell: Aw the two saddest words in the English language.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You're like a mob wife. You complain about what I do, but have no problem wearing the fur that fell off the back of the truck.

Mitchell