Modern Family

Modern Family Quotes (Page 7)

Episode 2: "When Good Kids Go Bad"

Cam [about Lily]: She looks like she was dipped in glue and dragged through a flea market.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: Guess it's just one of those things that we'll never know, like what really happened to the Titanic.
Claire: It hit an iceberg.
Phil: Maybe.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Claire: Sweetheart I would love to be wrong, but I don't live with the right people for that.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily: I push the buttons Daddy!
Cam [in tears]: You sure do!
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Mitchell: There are very few parenting issues where I come out on top. I'm distant, I work too much, my french braiding is sloppy. Finally something that's not my fault!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Jay [to Manny]: You're not by chance wearing the locket, are you?
 • Rating: 3.5 / 5.0

Alex [to Haley]: Is it one more year or when you leave for college, because those happen to be two different things.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Alex: Could you L a little less O L? Can't you see what I'm trying to do here?
Haley: Die alone?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Claire: Could you grab an extra virgin-
Phil: I think one's enough for the sacrifice.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Episode 1: "Dude Ranch"

Mitchell: I realized if I was gonna raise a boy, I was gonna have to butch up my life. I wanted to be able to teach all the things to my son that my dad taught... Claire.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: Buffalo Phil. Worth the wait.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: Which one's "bossy?"
Cowboy: That's my nickname for your wife.
Phil: Haha awesome.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Alex: It was supposed to be special; someone with a high GPA and bright future, not a Mario brother!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mitchell: What's so great about destroying stuff?
Luke: It stuff into chunks of flying stuff!
 • Rating: Unrated

Dylan: Just for the record Mrs. Dunphy, if Haley wasn't my girlfriend and Mr. Dunphy was out of the picture, I would be honored to share your bed and raise Luke, Alex and Hayley as my own.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: It's just that when you say "Phil is my son-in-law", it sounds like you're saying "Phyllis, my son-in-law."
Jay: That's ridiculous.
Phil: Who is your son-in-law?
Jay: Phyllis!
 • Rating: 4.4 / 5.0

Phil: I've been practicing like crazy all of my cowboy skills, shootin', ropin', pancake eatin'. Why? Because sometimes I feel like Jay doesn't respect me as a man.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Manny: Do we book our spa appointments through you or?
 • Rating: Unrated

Gloria [screaming]: Look I'm the horse whisperer but something is making this one skittish!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cam: You hate her sparkly outfit, don't you?
Mitchell: No I told you it was fine, I just didn't like you wearing a matching one.
 • Rating: Unrated

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