It's an obsessive-compulsive thing. I have read like a hundred articles about it.


I called the florist and order one dozen Mylar balloons. Good luck staying mad, honey!


I think we should drag him out of his car and punch him in the stomach until he barfs.


You are living in a little girl's toy and you have to move out!

Cam [to Barry]

I once saw a picture of myself at a friend's poetry slam, and all you could see were the whites of my eyes.


Oh yeah, everybody loves Michael Jordan, but nobody thinks of Scottie Pippin. The only reason I remember him is because he's named after my favorite musical.


There's no reason you should stay upright, but it just works.

Jay [to Gloria]

Two thirds of my house can't do what a billion Chinese do.

Jay [on Gloria and Manny's lack of bike-riding skills]

Stephen Hawking could ride that bike.


Luke, I am your father. That's what I said to you when you were coming out of your mom's lady parts.


Phil: She has to run everyday or she goes crazy, she's like a Border Collie.
Claire: Did you just compare me to a dog?!?
Phil: The smartest in the world!

Cam: There's a stranger in our hot tub.
Mitchell: Who is it?
Cam: You do know what stranger means, don't you?

Modern Family Season 2 Quotes

Alex: Dad, we haven't had lunch yet.
Phil: Neither have half the kids in Africa. Stop yappin' and get back to work.

You can't have two fun parents... You know that kid Liam who wears pajama pants to school and pays for things with a hundred-dollar bill? Two fun parents.