Cam: Why do you have to throw a wet blanket on my dreams?
Mitchell: I do not.
Cam: You do it all the time and you know what I end up with? Wet Dreams. I heard it as soon as I said it; just leave it alone.

Years from now some of these kids will still be talking about the way I Sondheim-ized them.

Cam

Sweetie we did it! Our baby is average!

Claire

We're running twenty minutes long so we're cutting the Bollywood number.

Cam

Haley: What are my friends at school going to think?
Claire: They'll think you're helping your father put food on the table.

Gloria: Where I come from, brothers respect each other.
Jay: That's why Colombia is such a peaceful country.

Get your prostate checked by a doctor, not some guy you met on the internet.

Donny

I think the carpet matches the drapes, I haven't checked in a while.

Phil

Kevin is biting his nails again and Rueben hasn't had a bowel movement in a week. Don't laugh. That's how Elvis died.

Manny

Tell Bob Fussy he's overdoing it and you want to go back to the old stuff.

Mitchell

Haley: It doesn't matter! I'll go home with anyone!
Alex: That's what it should say on the van.

I'm gonna walk like a man... right to that bar. That would be hilarious if you were familiar with Frankie Valli.

Jay

Modern Family Season 2 Quotes

Your kids don't need to know who you were before you had them; they need to know who you wish you were, and try to live up to that person. They're gonna fall short, but better they fall short of the fake you than the real you.

Claire

Manny: Kelly's moving her stuff into my notebook.
Kelly: It just felt right.