Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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Cam: Why do you have to throw a wet blanket on my dreams?
Mitchell: I do not.
Cam: You do it all the time and you know what I end up with? Wet Dreams. I heard it as soon as I said it; just leave it alone.

Years from now some of these kids will still be talking about the way I Sondheim-ized them.

Cam

Sweetie we did it! Our baby is average!

Claire

We're running twenty minutes long so we're cutting the Bollywood number.

Cam

Haley: What are my friends at school going to think?
Claire: They'll think you're helping your father put food on the table.

Gloria: Where I come from, brothers respect each other.
Jay: That's why Colombia is such a peaceful country.

Get your prostate checked by a doctor, not some guy you met on the internet.

Donny

I think the carpet matches the drapes, I haven't checked in a while.

Phil

Kevin is biting his nails again and Rueben hasn't had a bowel movement in a week. Don't laugh. That's how Elvis died.

Manny

Tell Bob Fussy he's overdoing it and you want to go back to the old stuff.

Mitchell

Haley: It doesn't matter! I'll go home with anyone!
Alex: That's what it should say on the van.

I'm gonna walk like a man... right to that bar. That would be hilarious if you were familiar with Frankie Valli.

Jay
Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 279 in total

Modern Family Season 2 Quotes

Manny: Hump day, am I right, Jay?
Jay: Your day ends at 2:30.

All those joke emails she forwarded to me months after I'd seen them? Well, no more polite LOLs for YOU, Dede.

Phil